Chapter - 83

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"How did you manage?" Avni asked quietly as she sat near the fireplace on the floor and he lay with his head in her lap. She stroked his hair gently. The storm had passed. And they had made it. Well, almost.

"I don't know," he replied broodingly, "frankly, most of it is a blur. Those first few days and a couple of months I can't recall that well. Mom had been there. But she wasn't happy either. I don't blame her. It is a very difficult position she was in and I understand. Uday was about fifteen and dad had made it very clear there will be no more talks of what had happened in the house so we didn't talk much about it. Manya was young and I am sure she still doesn't know the facts clearly," he said his gaze on the dying flames, "it was easier to let people assume what they wanted to. Only very few knew the exact details of it. Most thought I had left the institution all on my own that I didn't want to pursue a career my dad had chosen for me hence, the tension between my father and me and we let them think that," he said as he glanced her way.

Avni realized it was the same conclusion she had drawn too. That he didn't want to go the way his father had wanted him to. And he had told her things weren't that simple. How right he was? Things were never what they seemed and what looked simple was probably the most complex. She sighed.

"I don't know how I reached the decision of finding a career path in technology, I don't even remember applying for college admissions. I had been a good student and the college accepted my admission on the condition that they would watch my behavior for the first few months any disturbance and I would be out," he told her with a wry smile, "I wasn't in the condition to do anything violent anyway so all was well, I guess," he said and shrugged, "then slowly things started settling down. I accepted my father's rejection, it was painful yes, I would be lying if I denied it but I was his son after all," he said and smiled humorlessly, "how could I let that defeat me. I don't know if I mentioned this before Avni but I have a huge ego too. Probably bigger. I have never known to bow down and humility doesn't come easily to me," he told her listing his faults, "one reason why it was so difficult to apologize to you all those days ago," he said as he stared into the hearth. The fire was dying. Most of the wood burnt to ashes. He rose and put in some more logs. The room was big and it would get chilly very soon. As he stoked the flames back to life he realized he had always been fascinated with it. The vivid colors of yellow, red and blue, the ease with which it burnt almost anything in its wake including humans. And left behind nothing but cool ash. If correctly handled it provided warmth if not...it destroyed everything. His anger all those years ago had burnt his relationship with his father. His career destroyed along with his dreams to be a great officer. But he had rebuilt his life around it through sheer hard work and perseverance. He had never shied away from a challenge but he had learnt that some fights can take place sitting down. And some fights weren't worth fighting for. An important lesson he wanted to teach Manya too. He lay down again this time leaning on his arm and keeping his head straight.

"Did you ever meet Sudish?" Avni asked trying to get him out of the morose thoughts.

"Yes," Karan replied, "I did. His dreams had shattered too, his whole life a long road to recovery. He told me it wasn't the physical handicap that was a setback but the mental handicap he would have to battle day in and day out to become whole again," he said quietly.

Avni took in a deep breath. How much both boys had lost? It was upsetting just to hear about it, how had they ever managed to get out of it? Karan had become a strong person but he had also distanced himself from his family in the process. He stayed away from home as much as he could, his relationship with his father, his staying alone while being so near to his family. Now that she knew what had happened it gave her a different outlook on the whole thing. He was a proud man. How could one fault him for it? Years of loneliness, hurt feelings, constant rejection, rebuffs and hurtful words had hardened him, so much he refused to give in. How he longed to be a part of that picture she had made for him. How he wanted to have the understanding from his father. Last fourteen years had been a struggle for him. A lonely struggle. She was beginning to see why he was rude, why he made sure people stayed away from him. It was easier. And yet he had saved the dogs from a bad fate, he had helped her come into her own, stood up for her. He was a gem of a person. It was so sad, his own father couldn't see and appreciate the very qualities he had wanted Karan to have. The very ones he himself had taught his son. She wished with all her heart she could help him bridge the gap. But as he had mentioned he was as stubborn as his father was and till the time Tej uncle didn't take the first step he wouldn't either.

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