Matt Sturniolo Imagines!!

Sh.

🚨TW🚨 this chapter is pretty focused around self harm, if that topic might be triggering for you then please skip this chapter. If you are actively struggling with sh or anything else please don't hesitate to reach out for help. I'm open to listen if you need anything at all!

Enjoy:)

Nick, Matt, Chris and I had just finished watching a movie and I decided to go into me and Matt's room to lay down for a bit. As I laid down on my side of the bed I remembered that they posted the vlog that we filmed altogether earlier. I occasionally film with the triplets since I'm living with them and stuff but I do get a lot of hate. Me and Matt recently made our relationship public and that sure hadn't helped with the hate comments. 

A day hadn't gone by where I hadn't received a death threat or a nasty dm telling me how Matt doesn't really love me and that I'm using them for clout. I mean I know that their probably just jealous but I can't fully believe that. What if they're right? What if Matt thinks I'm not enough?

I know I sound crazy but when my thoughts are racing like that I can't console myself at all. As I read through a few comments from the video my breathing started to get shallow and my eyes started to well up with hot tears. Was I really that bad?

"Let's be fr we all know she's using them"

"God she is so loud"

" I hope they stop doing videos with her she's so annoying"

"Who does she think she is?"

"Matt deserves better than that-"

I started to sob and my breath only got shallower. Before I knew it I was hyperventilating and bawling at the same time. I was fighting to breathe in between my sobs. No no no. They can't see me like this. Not now. I frantically tore my room apart looking for it. I felt around my desk drawer. Suddenly I felt it. Cold and sharp, a single piece of metal that had started my addiction to pain. I can't do this- I'm almost 4 months clean I can't- but I need it. 

Yes.

 No. 

Shit. 

My thoughts swarmed my brain completely, and then it stopped. The mental pain had been drowned out by the physical pain. A very familiar pain. Coming from a cut on my upper thigh. I know this sounds crazy but there has always been something comforting about the way all of my thoughts just come to a halt. 

1 cut turned to 2, 2 into 5, 5 to 12. And suddenly I looked down at my legs, covered in my own blood and tears. My blade sitting on the cold bathroom tile beside me. I felt faint. I needed Matt. I didn't want him to have to see me like this again but I needed him. I mustered up the strength to weakly stand up. 

I made it about 3 steps forward when I became dizzy and fell to my knees with a loud bang. Then I heard one set of footsteps running up the stairs. Then opening my door to Matt's room, and then a heavy knock on the bathroom door. "Y/n are you ok? What was that noise? Can I come in?" It was Nick. Before I could reply the door swung open and nicks eyes widened in shock. " Y/n.. oh my god-". Chris followed behind him, he walked into the bathroom to Nick and saw what I had done. "Hey are you guys ok I heard yelli- he stood there wide eyed for a moment before he spoke again,"Y/n- why, why would you do this to yourself? Did we do something?" I felt guilty and embarrassed but I felt the anxious pit in my stomach grow as I heard Matt's footsteps getting closer.

 I needed him but I was scared he would be mad at me. Matt rushed into the bathroom and stopped in his tracks. Oh god, was he mad? Did he find me disgusting? I kept my eyes focused on the blood stained tile, avoiding his gaze. He stood there for a moment, stunned and worried. Next thing I know Matt crouched down in front of me. 

My eyes still glued to the floor, he gently lifted my chin to meet his gaze. It was loving and worried. I felt a bit of relief that he didn't seem mad. "Y/n, I'm so sorry I didn't notice- I love you so so much pretty girl please don't forget that." His eyes were welling up with tears. Matt sat down next to me and just held me in his arms. Nick and Chris went to grab a first aid kit so we could clean up my cuts. Matt propped me up onto the bathroom counter and carefully cleaned and bandaged every cut. " if you ever feel the urge to do this again please come get me. Promise you'll call me, text me, anything. I will always be here for you love." Matt said softly. " I promise Matt.".

We headed to bed early that night since we had a long day, but I knew Matt meant everything he said. He really cares and if I can't stop for myself I will stop for him. 

Matt got into our bed and snaked his arms around my waist. He nestled his chin in the crook of my neck. "I know recovery won't be an easy process but I mean it when I say I will be with you every step of the way. I fucking love you and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe." he whispered.

"I don't know what I would do without you in my life Matt. I love you more than anything."

We snuggled up and I ended up falling asleep peacefully in his arms. I had a good feeling about recovery, especially since I was going to have Matt by my side.

🚨A/N🚨 I had to write this twice because my internet went out and it didn't save BUT please request ideas if you have any! And I know this chapter might not be the greatest but I have some good ones in the works for you guys:) 

                                                                                                                 Love ya!