when?

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i don't remember
when I stopped being happy.
it wasn't something that happened
all of a sudden.
it happened slowly, gradually,
over time.
the changes were so minute
that with time,
i wasn't even noticing
that something within me,
a very integral part of me was being lost.
it was like holding sand in my hand:
the tighter i held on to myself,
more of me was being carried
away by the wind.
how do i explain it to people?
that i was drowning even in the air.

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