The Wise Child (BNHA x OC)

21. What I Want

"What are you doing?"

I stared at my eldest brother in the doorway of his room, watching as he mercilessly attacked a hanging punching bag, his fists growing bloody and smearing it in red.

He stopped momentarily, and glanced down at me.

He had a look in his eyes whenever he saw me. Like he knew something I didn't. Ever since I had my quirk develop late, and was deemed secondary to my father, Touya had begun to speak to me like he would Natsu and Fuyumi. He would even invite me to play games with them, something he refused to do before.

It was as if I had passed a test for him.

But I knew I had overstepped this time with the glare he sent my way. I wished I'd remained quiet and continued. In fact I knew even before I said anything that I shouldn't. He hated when people interrupted his 'practice'. That was what he called it.

"I'm busy. We'll talk later," He said, making it clear I was meant to leave.

I willed my legs to move, but I stayed in the same place for some reason.

He went back to punching the bag, ignoring me, likely thinking I left. I watched as sweat clung to his forehead and the bag shook violently, red spreading across its surface. With each thump I couldn't help but cringe further.

Why was he doing it?

"Doesn't it hurt?"

He hit the bag a few more times before stopping and looking at me. There was annoyance in his gaze, but after a deep breath he turned and sat down on his bed looking calmer.

"It doesn't matter."

I couldn't understand it. What he meant. Mom always said that good things shouldn't hurt.

"Why?"

He sighed, wiping his forehead with his shirt and looking out the window for a moment before turning his attention back on me.

"There are more important things than pain. It's about perseverance."

"Perseverance?"

"It means you have to keep trying. Even if it hurts. Even if it kills you. Because it will all pay off someday. When people recognise you. When they see your strength, when you're more than just the dirt they walk on. He- they'll all see, once I'm stronger, they'll see just what I can do."

"But..." I rubbed my head, looking to the side of his room littered with dirty clothes. "Well, I don't get it. Why is all the pain so important? What makes it worth it?"

He looked at me with that same look that mom gives me when I ask her about one of her novels. Then he smiled and stared straight through me, "You get to be seen."

***

I could feel my heart thumping in my head to a miscellaneous pattern. The lights felt bright. Too bright. Maybe the bathroom I was in was just dim.

My fingers tapped on my wrists going from my pinky to my pointer. I counted as each one tapped.

One. Two. Three. Four. One. Two...

It helped. But I knew that that wasn't what I was meant to be focussing on. I had to think about the match that was happening in only a few minutes. We were already in the tunnels leading to the arena. But for all the time I spent imagining scenarios, cases in which I would come out victorious, moments where my weaknesses would turn against me, I hadn't found it in me to consider not wanting to win.