Never Get to Heaven • cl16

005. APOLOGIES

Adam:
Bea, please answer.
I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me.
Please just come home so we can sort this out.
Or at least meet me somewhere so we can talk?
I love you, Bea, please?

I groaned, feeling the frustration building up inside me, as I set my phone down on the table.

"Still Adam?" Jo's voice broke through the tension in the room. She glanced up from her laptop, concern etched on her face.

"Yeah, he won't stop asking to meet up and talk," I replied, rolling my eyes.

It had been two days since Adam's explosive outburst at our apartment. Thankfully, Jo managed to arrange with the landlord for us to continue staying here for a while longer. I offered her some money for her trouble, but she refused, insisting, "You have enough on your plate right now." I couldn't believe how lucky I was to call her my best friend.

I asked Mama for some time off work too, telling her I was unwell. I felt bad for lying to her but I wasn't ready to discuss this with her yet. I knew she'd make excuses for Adam, and I couldn't handle that right now.

"I guess I'll have to meet him at some point to pick up my stuff if I'm staying here, I may as well get it over with." I sighed, the thought of seeing him right now made me want to vomit.

"I could come with you. You know, as backup. Like a little body guard." I laughed at the image. Despite Jo's petite frame and bubbly personality, I knew she could hold her own if need be.

"As much as I'd love to see you in action, Jo, I think I need to do this alone," I admitted, appreciating her concern.

She nodded.

"I get it. But promise you'll call me when you meet him, and keep the phone on just in case. I'm nervous for you to meet him alone" Jo said, placing her hand reassuringly on mine.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," I agreed, managing a small smile.

Bea:
I can come round in an hour.

My stomach twisted into knots.

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I parked in front of Adam and I's apartment building, resting my head against the steering wheel. Here we go.

Trembling, I closed my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts. Just go in, grab what I need, and get out. I repeated to myself like a mantra.

I called Jo's number and put her on speaker.

Hey, I'm here.

Okay, good luck, little bee.
I feel like a spy right now.

I chuckled softly at her remark and pocketed my phone, taking a deep breath before stepping out of the car.

Approaching the front door, every fiber of my being screamed to turn and run. But I couldn't. I had to face him. I knocked lightly and waited, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Hey..." Adam's voice was soft as he opened the door.

"Hi," I replied, trying to sound composed.

He moved towards me, and I instinctively flinched.

"Please, Bea... I am so sorry. Please forgive me," Adam pleaded, tears glistening in his eyes.

I held my ground. "I need to pick up some things. I'm staying with Joanna for a while," I stated firmly, avoiding his gaze.

"Bea, please. You know this isn't me. I don't know what came over me. I've just been stressed with work and worried about you. I know you haven't exactly enjoyed moving here," he begged, desperation evident in his voice.

I sighed, finally meeting his gaze. He looked like a wreck, with dark circles under his eyes which told me of his lack of sleep. Despite everything, I still loved him deeply, but I knew I needed time and space to sort through my emotions.

"Adam, please. I need my things," I reiterated, trying to maintain my resolve.

He stepped aside, allowing me to enter.

Silently, I moved around the apartment, packing my belongings into a bag I brought along.

Adam sighed heavily. "Please just talk to me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Adam, I don't know what to say. What the hell was that? I love you, but what you did was not okay," I snapped, my frustration bubbling to the surface.

I could hear Adam's soft sobs. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered.

Turning to face him, I placed a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I just need some space. I need to think about us and whether it's worth salvaging, Adam."

"It is worth saving, Bea. I promise I'll change. I miss you," he pleaded, reaching out for a hug. But I couldn't bring myself to embrace him. Accepting his apology was one thing, but I knew deep down that nothing would change unless I took a stand.

"I—I can't, Adam." My head was spinning.

Pulling away, I shook my head. I wouldn't let myself crumble this time.

Continuing to pack, Adam trailed after me, begging me to stay. When I had everything I needed, I headed towards the door.

"Please, don't text or call me, Adam. I need space. I'll reach out when I'm ready to talk, okay?" I said, mustering a faint smile.

This was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. Memories of the past three years together flooded my mind, and tears threatened to overwhelm me. But I had to stay strong.

"Bea, please... Don't leave me." He let out breathlessly.

I closed my eyes and bit on my bottom lip. Please don't cry, please don't cry, please don't cry.

"We can talk when I am ready, Adam." I reiterated.

Opening the door, I stepped out and made my way to the car. I pulled my phone out of my pocket remembering Jo was still on the line.

I'm okay. I'm on my way home now.

I hung up before she could respond.

Tears streamed down my face as I drove off. What the fuck am I going to do? If I decided to break up with him I was going to be a complete mess. This was already hard enough. The longest I had gone without seeing Adam during our relationship had only been a couple of days, and we were still texting and calling.

I wanted to scream, trying to process what had happened over the past few days. I couldn't picture my life without Adam, and now it was becoming a real possibility.

Arriving back at the apartment, Jo was waiting for me at the door, ready to pick up the pieces. I grabbed my bag and ran out of the car towards her, crumbling into her arms as I cried.

"Shhh... Bea. It's okay, I've got you. Come on, let's get you inside." She hushed, stroking my hair.

"I—I can't — do this." I spluttered out, in between sobs, struggling to catch my breath.

"I know, my love, it's okay." She whispered softly. "You don't need to make any decisions right now, you've got time to think it all over."

"I'll be here, no matter what you decide." Jo's voice rang in my ears as I lay down on her lap.

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Authors note:

Hi! I know there hasn't been a lot of Charles so far but I promise he'll be in the next few chapters. I'm just trying to set up Bea's character/situation.

Hope you are all enjoying!!!!