Sorrow | 18+

15 Threat to me

A song to listen to:
Pretending by HIM

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Vivienne

My eyes were adjusting to the darkness. I couldn’t sleep. I was trying to get my sleeping schedule more suitable to sleep through the night instead of working and I had been successful in it during the weekend but a new environment had all my senses on alert. It smelled weird, sounded weird, even with all my furniture and other things in here. The new apartment was bigger. Kitchen and living room area had an open floor plan. It had two separate rooms. The left one was my bedroom and the right one, which was a bit smaller in size, was going to be filled with my sewing supplies. It was still quite compact and cosy. Connie and Celly had helped me with the move, getting stuff unpacked and furniture in place, but they had left for the night.

I was used to sleeping in complete darkness, but it often made me restless. It had my thoughts spinning, breathing my worst nightmares alive. Turning a light on was a sign of weakness, but I also could hide my tears better. My cousin once had made fun of me and as I knew father hated any feelings I was showing, I hid in the darkness. Hating how I had to stay there. Until Zara intervened in my life and I slept most of my nights next to her in our dorm room. I was only alone when I rarely visited my father. 

There weren’t any cousins or fathers questioning why I slept with the lights on, but I still did not rise from the bed to do it. I layed there eyes open, my vision getting better and seeing the shapes of the room bit by bit. My blanket was heavy, suffocating me and my back was sinking on the mattress. There weren’t any colours, only light and dark shadows. I was trapped. 

The bedroom’s closets on the left wall had mirrors on the doors and my clothes inside already, which was why it did not take long to change into my running gear, long sleeved shirt and tights in dark pink. My sports bra was also matching, but my running shoes were black. I was out of the apartment in minutes, wireless earphones blasting music and my feet taking me through unknown streets. 

It wasn’t that dark outside. The sun had barely disappeared, eagerly waiting for the morning. Streetlights glowing on the pavement that was a bit too harsh for running. I did enjoy running more in the forest with the smells of nature and calmness, but the quiet night in the city was adequate. 

I runned slowly, not wanting to sprint and losing all my energy eventually. I didn’t have any plan or route sorted out. I took turns when I felt like it. After some time I started to trail back home, as my feet were getting heavy to use. 

A small, glowing store caught my eye as it had a clear open sign in the window. I stepped inside, sweat gathering in my forehead and my breathing rapid. A young man barely raised his eyes to greet me as he was more occupied by some mobile game with his phone tilted. The store was tight to walk around and nobody had cleaned the metallic shelves for a moment. I went to the back wall where the bottles of drinks were kept cold. I picked some vitamin water and headed back to the cashier. There was a woven basket in front of the desk with tags of the items being on sale. Different kinds of decorative stuff were inside it, some seasonal, some not. What caught my eye were the stars, glowing in dark stars that could be stuck to the roof or walls. I grabbed them instantly. The boy added them to the cart without saying a word and I paid with my phone. He didn’t even offer me a bag or receipt, just returned to play the game as his poorly cut long brown hair went over his bored eyes. I left the store and him alone. 

I checked the route on my phone, to be sure I was heading back home. I didn’t run the rest of the way, having the plastic packing of the stars and the drink on my hands. My thoughts had quieted and there was simply silence among the music in my ears. Only the words of heartbroken lyrics existed, detaching me from everything else. I took the stairs back to my place. It was a tall but small building. It was a bit odd with only 2 or 3 apartments per floor in the single building and I hadn’t met any of my neighbours yet. I got up on the 6th floor. It was dark as I didn’t want to put on the lights on the stairs. I took my earphones off and headed to my door, the left side one.