And Again

Chapter ten

One Saturday morning in March, Nicky woke up early and brushed his teeth before quietly leaving the room, being careful to not wake Allie. He got a leash on Buddy and one on Clover, and left the apartment. 

After walking the dogs, he went home and got back into bed with Allie.

"Mmm" Allie moaned. "What time is it?"

"A little after 9" Nicky told her. "How do you feel?"

"Sore" Allie said. After a lot of discussion, they'd decided to give IVF a try. "I'm just glad I was sedated because that egg retrieval thing would not have happened otherwise"

Nicky chuckled softly. "I know"

"Now we just have to wait for Monday" Allie said.

"How are you feeling about that?"

"Honestly?" Allie asked. Nicky nodded. "Terrified. I just keep telling myself that in the end it'll all be worth it"

"And it will be"

4 days later, they were back in the doctor's office.

"Allie, are you ready?" Dr Chase asked. Allie nodded. "Ok, I'm starting. One...two...thr-"

"No, wait!" Allie said. "Stop!"

"Allie?" The doctor asked as Allie sat up.

"I can't do it" Allie shook her head.

"Yes, you can" the doctor said.

"No" Allie said, breathing quickly.

"Take a deep breath, Al" Nicky said and rubbed her back.

"I can't" Allie said. "I can't breathe"

"Ok, Allie, you're having a panic attack. I need you to try and calm down" Dr Chase said.

"I can't" Allie said, tears now streaming down her face.

"Ok" the doctor said. She got up and left the room, and came back a minute later with an oxygen mask and something that looked like 2 oxygen tanks on wheels. "Allie, I'm gonna put this on your face. It's nitrous oxide. Laughing gas. It'll help you relax"

The doctor put the mask on Allie and a few moments later her breathing slowed down and the panic turned to tears.

"Hey, you're ok" Nicky said as he wrapped his arms around Allie and she took the mask off.

"I can't do it" Allie whispered. "I want us to have a baby so badly, I just can't handle this"

"Allie, you are so strong, and so incredibly amazing" Nicky said. "If you wanna call it right now and say that we're done with this then that's fine, but I know that you can do this"

"Do you wanna try with the mask?" The doctor asked. "You can put the mask back on and it might help you stay calm"

Allie nodded.

"Alright, so lay back down and put the mask on" she said. "And tell me when you're ready"

When Nicky and Allie got home that afternoon, she was completely mentally exhausted and decided to get into bed for a little while.

They spent the next two weeks trying not to worry about whether or not it worked until finally, it was time to take a pregnancy test.

Allie was in the bathroom, standing over the pregnancy test and Nicky was right behind her with his hands on her waist. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek as they watched the control line appear on the test.

A moment later Allie gasped. "Is that-?"

Nicky smiled. "That's a line"

"There are two lines" Allie said and started crying. "Im pregnant"