The Nightmare Has Only Begun

Chapter Eight

(Jonhathan)

I look over at the empty spot on my desk where my computer used to sit now gone. Taken away the day I arrived to prevent me from assessing it like I used to at any given time of the day or night. Honestly though I haven't had assess to a computer or a phone in a while being with Jared. I was cut off only watching TV and no communication besides his sister and her boyfriend. We lived our own life though Jared still had his phone he used. I don't know where he kept it and placed it when we went to sleep. It didn't matter to me but now as I sit here without a computer or phone of my own to talk, reach out it does bother me. I'm cut off and I really do start to wonder if I am a child living in this house again.

I spent a lot of aimless hours staring at my computer screen before I left to be with Jared. Wasting time as I wished silently every night I had friends to spend the lonely dragged out hours after school and into the weekend with. Wishing I had someone to talk to instead of hiding away in my room in solitude in the dark and all alone. I felt empty then.

Actually, scratch that, I was shoved inside more like it and told to stay here while my mom had 'other things' to do. My dad treating and acting the same to me. I had no one to talk to. I had no real friends to confide in but choose -settle with- my own thoughts or singing along in my head to the many songs I had on shuffle.

I guess I wasn't really living. I was getting by in life at fifteen and every year before in life. Repeating the same repetitive lonely routine. Nothing changing just distracting myself in mindless games, videos, music and soon people I didn't know except for online. Wanting something else in life and in a way I did receive, gain out of my old computer, Jared.

We met through the internet on a chat website. Hours apart in the same state in real life. Wanting the same things in life. Wanting each other to be happy.

He was my life. He was everything and I don't have him near me right now. Instead he's locked away from me being questioned somewhere I don't know.

I don't know what he is going through. I don't know what they are telling him. I don't know what he is telling them. I don't know much of anything then what I am being told which is nothing.

Thanks to everyone around suffocating me I know little. I can't only not watch and hear the horrid words being said and the reporters saying them but I can't have my rights to my life. I'm blocked out of the public knowledge of the internet everyone else gets to use. I can't communicate with anyone. I have nothing to take my mind off the constant reminder every time I open my eyes of where I am and I don't want to be here.

'I have Jayden.' my subconscious reminds me but it doesn't fully help escape the nightmare I am living in.

"I miss dad." Jayden frowns as I'm brought back to see the sadness that never leaves his eyes since we arrived to a place he doesn't want to be at.

"I do too." I almost begin to break down thinking about Jared with another week passing by and I'm still here.

Nothing has changed. Nothing is resolved but a deeper hole being dug I can't pull myself out of. I thought I had already fallen far enough but I guess I was wrong. Every day we are here life before seems impossible to grasp but instead of crying in front of him I hold back. I stay strong and reassure Jayden everything will be okay. Everything has to be okay.

Is it though? Can it be? Do I want it to be? Do I want to go back to living with Jared with all the bad things he's done in the past? Will he be nice? Will he be angry and blame me? Will I suffer his punishment for causing this mess?

I didn't mean to. I didn't intend to see her at the store that day. I didn't want to. I didn't want this but I tagged along with Jared to the grocery store when I should have stayed home. I should have known better and stayed behind. I should have never left the house to avoid this. Or would it have still happened?