The Nightmare Has Only Begun

Chapter Ten

(Jonhathan)

He didn't believe me. I could see it in his eyes right away that he didn't and it's my own fault. I let myself fall into a memory and let the doubt plague my answer. "I can't believe he would continue to stick up for that...that monster." I hear her say with Jayden and I upstairs and my dad having just arrived home a little while ago.

She doesn't waste time. She doesn't care that I can hear her when she isn't saying it in a whisper but loud enough to echo off the walls to where I am. She doesn't care. She's never cared and I hate her. I hate all of them. I hate this life I'm living. I hate everything.

"Jane..."

"Don't. Don't make it seem like I'm the bad one in this. You know this as well as I do I did nothing wrong. I've never done anything wrong but try to be a good mother to him. I'm trying more than ever before to help him now. I'm doing everything to get the person responsible for Jonhathan taking off and having his life turn into the way it is behind bars forever." she goes off on my dad acting as if she's some perfect mother she has never been.

"You should be quiet he's upstairs." he replies in a desperate attempt to calm her down but I know already it's not going to work. Once she's set off over what she believes she won't stop. She won't give up on 'trying' to make her useless attempt to help me and be someone I will never acknowledge as my mom. I don't like her. I don't want to.

"I don't care! Maybe he needs to hear me call that man a monster. Have you ever thought about that? He needs to get it through his head what happened is not right!" she yells back and it reminds me of when I was little before they got a divorce constantly arguing.

My dad was always trying to make her happy. Doing everything to have her pleased and not upset her. He would work constantly and she did nothing. She stayed home and under the same roof dad payed for us to live she cheated on him. She didn't think about dad's feelings. She didn't care that he did everything for her. She always wanted her way and she always got it.

She used me to get to dad. She only kept me around for the money he was forced to pay in child support when they got divorce. I was nothing to her. I was actually nothing to my dad either when visiting him every other week meant nothing to him. Neither of them cared when I doubt they ever wanted me to begin with.

My mom blamed me for their divorce when it was her own doing not mine. I was blamed for everything by both when my dad did notice me. They were better without me it's obvious as the relationship they repaired while I was gone is now falling apart. There's a second divorce I'm bound to be blamed for an-

A knock at the door has me realize they stopped talking, "Jonhathan I was wondering if we could talk?" my dad says on the other side of the door.

I glance at Jayden falling asleep beside me on the bed around seven at night. He's worried but not as much to prevent him from sleeping right now.

I get up without waking him up and walk to the door wanting to know what he can want besides tell me what she's already told me. "What?" I say opening the door to him standing there like he cares.

"Your mom told me a detective stopped by to talk to you."

"Yeah I kind of figured she did." I say not surprised. How can I be surprised when I heard everything? Most of it at least including the part where he tried to tell her to be quiet.

"Yeah." he says thinking over what he's going to say next. "You know...she's not trying to be mean. She's doing her best, so am I, to help you. We want what's best and-"

"No, you don't." I shake my head not believing anything he has to say. "You never cared before and you don't care about me now. I don't know why you want me in 'your' house. I hated it then and I hate it now."

"Jonhathan, that's not true. I've always cared. I know I may have worked too much but I cared. I cared when you didn't show up and I got a call from your mom." he tries to make excuses.

"May have? You always worked and when it wasn't work it was your new girlfriend you cared about more than me. I was nothing to you or mom because if you cared you would have known I was being bullied. You would have noticed I was considering killing myself. I wasn't happy but you didn't. You didn't then so why should I give you another chance now?" I retort.

"I know I can't change what I did and didn't do in the past but I want to change the future. I want to be there for you and Jayden. I want to help you. I want you to get help." he says actually remembering Jayden's name and not coming to an awkward pause trying to remember.

"Help?" I look at him surprised because for the entire time I've been back he's avoided talking to me the way she does and everyone else trying to tell me what I don't want to hear.

"Yes help. You and Jayden need it."

"I don't need any help." I say ready to close the door on him but he stops me.

With his foot in the way preventing the conversation to end he keeps talking, "I know you don't want to hear it from me, your mom or anyone else which is why I haven't said anything but I can't say nothing anymore. Hate me for the past if you want but I've changed Jonhathan and so has your mom. We worried about you for years and we know we made mistakes we regret but the person you keep wanting to protect is a far worse person than I am. He hurt you. He damaged you and your too brainwashed to see it. Not only that but I think you know more than you are letting on and you're keeping it from people like me from helping you."

'You don't know anything!" I yell.

"I'm setting up an appointment with one of the counselors they recommended. You need to talk to someone and apparently it won't be me." he says not raising his voice.

"You can't make me do anything."

"I can when you aren't in the right state of mind to help yourself Jonhathan." he finally removes his foot from the doorway. "I'm trying to help you. Everyone is on your side if you let us be."