Black Diaries

07. Fear the Mighty Nutcracker

"Harder, Cassy, harder!"

My hand bounced ineffectively off Chuck's leather padding. He, too, had put on protective gear as we progressed through the course and got to maltreat more and more of each other's bodies. By now, we were all wearing padding on the head, neck, arms, and genitals. The latter looked rather funny, especially for the men who seemed to need quite a lot of padding in this particular area.

"Go on! Harder, Cassy!"

I tried again. Once more, my fist bounced off his leather collar.

"No, that's still not it! I'm an evil hitman, remember? Hit me! Kill me!"

"I'm trying," I ground through gritted teeth, hitting the leather again and again. I might as well have hit the wall of a padded cell. "You're not easy to kill, trust me!"

Chuck darted forward. In one single, lightning-fast movement, he had a hand around my throat. He didn't even need to use both hands to hold me, he was that powerful. I tried to aim for his face, but he deflected my attack with his free arm and threw me to the ground.

"I'm afraid you're dead, Cassy," he told me, grinning unrepentantly.

Wincing, I rubbed my back and nodded. I didn't get off the mat just then. Chuck was a gentleman. While I was down, he wouldn't punch me, and at the moment, not being punched sounded like a very, very good plan.

"Why doesn't it work?" I complained. "I've been at this for two weeks now! I can hold my own against most of the others, but every time I'm paired with you I land on my ass!"

Chuck shook his head, grinning. "Cassy, don't you remember me saying that I've been doing this for years? The day you can hold your own against me, I'll invite you and your cat out for coffee and cream at the most expensive café in town."

"Can I bring Lucky with me here to join in the fighting?"

He shook his head, soberly. "Sorry, no. That cat scares the crap out of me."

"Coward!"

"Yup."

I sighed. It probably was no good lying down here anymore. Maggie the grandma, my regular partner, was throwing me dark looks from the bench, clearly indicating that she wanted to have a go at beating up Chuck soon.

"Hm..." Thoughtfully, Chuck rubbed his chin. There was quite a lot of it to rub—hard, deliciously rough, and chiseled. "Maybe we're going about this all wrong. Maybe you lack motivation."

"Excuse me?" Groaning, I forced myself into a standing position. "After all the bruises you've given me you don't think I'd like to return the favor?"

He chuckled. "Well, maybe you don't want to lose. But you don't actually want to beat the crap out of me or kill me, do you?"

"No," I admitted grudgingly.

"Well then. How about if you imagine me as someone else? Someone you actually want to beat into a bloody pulp? Maybe a nasty colleague at work, or an ex-boyfriend..."

The moment I heard the word "ex", an electric shock went through me. I had managed to push away thoughts of Matt more and more, recently—but that didn't mean they had gone away. They were just stuffed into a tightly sealed compartment of my mind, where I hoped they could do no damage.

But as soon as Chuck said the word "ex," something happened to me. I don't know what, exactly. Maybe some mysterious force from the darkest corner of the universe coursed through me, infusing me with ninja superpowers. Or maybe I just got really pissed.

Regardless, I suddenly saw Matt's smiling face in front of me—and not only that, I saw her face too. Eve. And I saw the rest of both of them as well, without a lot of clothes on. Rage rose up in me. Rage which I realized I hadn't fought my way through yet. Not by a long shot.