Tethered

Chapter 14: Trust✔️

I do not leave the cage I have been set in like a pet bird, but as Vanya leaves I find myself floating up the stairs. I can not help the way my eyes are trained to the window in the upstairs bedroom.

I watch as people make their way around, as families laugh happily, the busy life of a people with a purpose.

I touch the window as I see Petra and Nel walking towards the tree, The Elderwood Tree. They seem so happy as they kiss, as they touch and hold hands. Nel laughing brightly as Petra tries to contain her smirk.

I wonder where it is that I belong. This doesn't feel like home to me. This place was to be theirs. This home was to be a present made and crafted for Sorsasta, for the woman who has his heart. I wonder if I will ever be in that heart of his. I wonder if I will only be a replacement, a warm body to hold, to nourish his soul when needed.

A large hand runs up my side, pulling me to rest against a large chest. "Stop." A soft word.

"Stop what?"

"Don't think about my past. Don't let yourself be tangled by the things I can't change."

He's right, but it's hard when I can feel every breath he takes, every thought he thinks if I so wish it.

"I'm sorry about Sorsa and I'm sorry for leavin' ya here, for gettin' so upset at ya when ya were so obviously upset yourself. I did not react the way I should've."

We've both had time to think. We've both had time to realize our mistakes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I wanted to believe I was safe even though I am not much more than a prisoner here."

He takes my hand and pulls me to the bed. The candles are nothing but wicks, the wax melted down to nothing from the night of the ceremony, from the night of our consummation.

His body is sweaty, from training, I suppose, but I do not mind as he pulls me into his lap, my small frame fitting to his like a puzzle piece, a perfect match.

He holds me to him. "I'm sorry ya've been feelin' the way ya have. I knew how hurt ya were, how hurt ya are, but I could only think of all the things I was loosin' instead of all that I was gainin'."

I wonder what it is that I can give him that Sorsasta couldn't. I wonder why he thinks he has gained a thing from the little imp he has sitting in his lap like a child, his frame so much larger than my own.

He pets my hair softly, caressing my ears just the way I like, letting himself feel the way I feel, letting me feel how it feels to be cared for, if only for this moment.

"I won't say that I do not love her, but I will say that ya fill a place in me that she could never seem to reach."

I think of Vanya's nose ring, of Sorsastas eyes glaring at my nose so intently and find myself clutching my nose in my hand.

"She said you hadn't truly claimed me, Rhoavan."

He tenses beneath me and I can see that vision again, him giving a ring for Sorsasta to hold.

"All in due time. I don't think either one of us is ready for that step." I know he is thinking of that ring, of how he will ever stomach asking for it back, of how he will ever feel right in giving it to me after he had promised it to her.