She puts on a mask that portrays that she's happy and everything is fine. But that's just it, everything is "fine". She's lived her life in fear, no wonder that's her middle name. You could put a gun to her head and she would close her eyes and say...
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Nicole's POV He didn't set my pain at ease, just distracted me from it. Alec has his arms wrapped tightly around me, locking me to his chest. I don't mind it at all. My fingers draw soft lines on his skin. Lines. I wish I could do that to myself. He shifts in his sleep, moving and loosening his arms. As gently as I can, I slip out of his arms and get dressed. I hate spring break, any break really. It gives me too much space. My body is sore, but not in a bad way. I always kind of knew that thatwould hurt, but just not this much. After I'm finished getting dressed I sit at my window and just look out. The kids in their front yard smile as run around on the grass. Doyoureallythinkthatsomeonelikehimcouldloveorwantyou? My mind asks me. No. I don't think that he could; that anyone could. He's too...him and I'm just me. In my mind, he needs and deserves someone like my sister. It's a mystery to me why he didn't just be with her that night of the party. Youdeservedthepainyouendured. I don't know if that's true. Maybe. Memories don't come back of me doing anything that was so bad; maybe I did do something that made me deserve pain for years and I just don't remember. Youcanalwaystryandkillyourselfagain. That's an idea, but a stupid one. I obviously don't have good luck when it comes to that, and I've learned all the tricks. I know that I need to die to end this pain and suffering but it's hard. By now I'm just letting my mind get to me and I'm crying softly. I miss when I was like those kids; happy, careless, just happy and content. A sob racks my body against myself. I fucking hate emotions. I turn away from the window, my face starting to burn from the sun. I keep my head down. Alec starts to get up, making me wipe the tears away. They don't stop again. Just the fact that I have to hide my damn emotions and keep them bottled up upsets me. He stands up after putting his jeans and boxers back on. He must have realized that I was crying cause he practically runs to me. Kneeling down to my height, he holds my hand. "What's wrong?" He asks, using his free hand to rest on my thigh. What didhappen to me hating him? I shake my head. "My head just hurts really bad. Like really bad; I'm okay though," I tell him. Its not a lie at all, my head hurts from thinking too much. I stand up and begin to walk away. He grabs my arm as I run my hands through my hair, pulling to his bare chest. I guess you can only hold so much in. My arms wrap around his neck as I rest my head on his shoulder. My rears spill from my eyes. He holds me close to him, letting me cry. Its embarrassing but I can't stop. "Your head hurts that bad?" He asks. He can be really dumb at times. I nod, holding onto him. He kisses my temple. "Do you want me to stay with you?" He asks when I compose myself. "No. I want to be by myself," I say. He nods stands, touching me in some way. "Well, don't hurt yourself. Take pain meds. And I love you," he says. I blush at the last part. I still don't understand how he does. "Love you too." ×××××××× Alec's POV Angela and I run into my house from the rain. It feels good to have her back in town. With me. She's carefree and likes to take risks. She takes her jacket off as I do. "So, how is that girlfriend of yours?" She asks. I shrug. "Is she feeling okay now that she's out of the hospital? She was sick right?" We make eye contact. "Depressions an illness so yes," I say. She gasps. "She trued committing suicide." I don't like thinking about that. She deserves to happy after going through the darkest parts of hell. "That's a cowardly way out," she says. I glare at her. In my opinion, if you haven't gone through it, don't talk about it cause you don't know shit. "And you don't need that in your life. You need to happy and relaxed in a relationship. Not praying that your girlfriend isn't going to take her life." I can't help but known she's right. "You need someone like me. Someone who you can jump at anytime and be bad with." I smirk at her as she gives me those fuckmeeyes. ××××××× "You regret it?" She asks as she gets her breathing corrected. I bite my lip, trailing my hand down her body. "No."
