Memoirs of a Sith Lord

Mourning for Alderan

My prison normally opened like the lifting of a curtain, slowly fading like the night on Naboo. This next time, however, it was ripped to shreds by a violent storm of energy.

I found myself, shaken and disoriented, in the back of some small freighter, feeling something I'd not experienced since my death: cold. It could only mean one thing. This was the space once occupied by the planet Alderan. I can see why the Jedi would send me here--if they did send me. I searched for them, but neither they nor their chains of energy appeared. So I sat quietly and listened to the echoes of all the sons and daughters of Alderan, their voices are always audible to a Sith Lord.

Suddenly, I felt very alone. "Yoda?" I called out. "Where is my tribunal?"

For several seconds, there was no answer. Then I sensed a presence.

"I thought I might find you here."

It was Obi-Wan. For once I was relieved to hear him. For just an instant, I remembered the days when we were friends.

"So you want to hear about my part in this?" I said. I heard my own voice crack.

Obi-Wan looked about. "I didn't know you were involved in cargo transport."

"You idiot!" I screamed. "The planet that occupied this space was my daughter's home! So many of her friends lived here and I--and I stood by when Tarken pulled the trigger."

"I know. I meant it as a joke. Sorry, old friend."

Friend. What a thing to call me. Now of all times.

"Lord Vader, if you please," I said, putting as much ice in my voice as possible.

"Oh, yes, whatever. Sorry, Lord Vader. I know quite well where we are. I heard--I hear the same thing you do."

"When I saw Alderan destroyed I decided to let you escape," I said.

"As I recall, Leia also thought we were permitted to escape."

I sighed. "After seeing the Death Star in operation, I knew the it had to be destroyed. But the Emperor had such power over me--such is the way of the Dark Side. For a long time after Padmé died, I lacked the will to resist. Alderan changed that."

"But you killed me."

"I didn't expect to. You just shut your light saber off. What was I supposed to do?"

"So you expect me to believe you did not support the Death Star program? What did you think he was building it for?"

What made Obi-Wan recover from his feeble-mindedness at that moment, I couldn't guess.

"I wanted to use it to destroy Keldorath, the home world of the Trade Federation. The Emperor promised me it would be our first target."

If only that had been the truth.

"After that, the mere threat of using the Death Star was supposed to make the galaxy fall in line."

"A very tidy rationalization, Lord Vader," he said, emphasizing my name.

"For whatever it was worth, I saw to it that Luke escaped, and I saw to it that he put the torpedo into the exhaust port. Did you know I could have shot him out of the sky at any time?"

I nearly did, too. Part of me thought perhaps it would be better if we all died together. I could have taken out Solo as well, but I spared the lot of them out of spite--spite for the Emperor.

"You couldn't, I used my power to interfere with yours."

"Hah," I laughed. "Believe what you will."

Yoda and the others materialized around us. "Back you go, Lord Vader." Yoda said, and everything faded.

"Wait!" I screamed. "Don't tell any of what I said to Luke. Don't justify me in his eyes."

I didn't know whether they heard me or not.