Memoirs of a Sith Lord

Love is a Dangerous Emotion

A collective gasp of horror arose from the Jedi the next time I appeared.

I found myself in the Emperor's throne room, surrounded by my tribunal of deceased masters.

"What?" I said. "Am I any more fearful than the last time you saw me?"

"You're coming apart," Obi-Wan said. "I see only a crescent of a face."

Though I cannot see myself, I feel the truth of his words. Parts of me are fading away.

"I am becoming as I was," I said. "After I was burned on Mustafar, I woke up here. My first thought was of Padmé."

Yoda nodded, sympathy on his face.

"The Emperor came to my aid then, as he promised. We tried to call Padmé back from the dead and at first, it worked. Her spirit blazed forth, charging and screaming."

I still wonder what place of despair she came from, what turned her into that feral creature of fire, energy, and rage I saw that day.

I touched the memory, and it came to life before us. The Jedi masters retreated in horror at the sight of what my Padmé had become. Her spiritual fingers dug into me like claws--but some mysterious force fought us, tore us apart.

It was the last moment I saw her, and however much pain it caused me I wish it could have gone on forever.

"We clung to each other with all our might. I used every ounce of strength the Force bestowed on me--but in the end I was reduced to what you see now."

Yoda's ghostly eyes watered again.

"The Emperor became angry," I said. "'Love is too dangerous an emotion,' he said. Never again would he attempt to call Padmé forth. I tried on my own but--when I failed her--Well, that was my greatest betrayal."

Yoda blew his ghostly nose--a great honking sound. This, by the way, is another of those things that Luke has softened. The people of Yoda's race make a shocking variety of disgusting noises. Even in spiritual form.

"Broke the balance between life and death, you did," Yoda said at last. "Tore down the wall between Dark and Light. Such a thing was never meant to be."

"I'd do it again," I said. "I'd do it now if I could."

"Judge you for that, I do not," Yoda said.

But he sent me away again, regardless. I was left in darkness.