Dear Past, You Suck!

Books Are A Girl's Best Friend

Abraham entered the library, stopping momentarily to look at the mess around me before coming to sit beside me. He let out an exasperated puff as he sat down. I could see him watching me out of the corner of my eye as a scanned the book in front of me. He sat in silence for a few moments, watching me feveriously flip through the book.

"You have to stop this, Ally. It has been almost a month." He said tiredly, no real conviction in his voice. There's only so many times someone can say something without it losing all meaning.

"Nope," I said distractedly. I was barely registering that he was there. I was too busy scanning a large book on the collections of folk tales and myths trying to find absolutely anything.

He sighed again, a slight choke in his voice as he spoke,"Is it really that bad here? With me?"

I glanced quickly out of the corner at my eye at him, "You know that's not why I'm looking."

"Just one day. Just one day and come outside. Perhaps we can go and visit her grave. Maybe then you will see you can not bring her back."

"I am not trying to bring her back. I'm trying to-"

"I know what you are trying to do! But do you not see that she is dead? You watched it happen yourself!" He picked up the book I was reading, forcing me to whirl around and look at him. "Just stop this please."

"You were dead too! So was every one who is alive right now. I somehow traveled through time! Why can't I do it again, huh? Just a few days then maybe I can switch our places!" I looked at him with what I knew was a crazed expression but I didn't care, I was onto something here. I reached for a new book, opening it to the contents. There was silence again as he watched me with an exhausted look. He set the book onto the floor with a soft thump.

"At least come out for dinner later."

"No."
  With an exasperated sigh, he got up and shuffled out of the room. Others would come once in a while too but would give up much quicker than Abe would. With every entrance someone made, I would get more and more annoyed. Abe should be helping me, he knows how important what I'm doing is. He should be keeping everyone away so I can make more headway. I am onto something! I can feel it. If only I can find the right book.
But six hours later of fruitless searching, I slam the book 'The Odde Events Of The Past Century' closed. Resting my head on the closed book breathing in the musk, I massage my sore neck. There has to be something here. There just has to be. If Eleanor was here she would know what to do. But she's not, and that's the problem. She's dead. Because of me. Before I was even aware, tears were slipping down my cheeks, wetting the book cover.
Why did they choose her to blame?! She was a better person than any of those greedy son of bitches! It is unfair and unjust! Is that what we call justice?! Punishing the innocent and letting the ones who wrong them walk free? Even praising them! I can't stay in this wretched town anymore. Not while they walk free and untroubled. Especially him. Lord Warlest. Although he is no lord in my eyes, nor should he be in anyones. He is a coward. He is evil. And he is the one that should suffer! I grab the book I was laying on and whip it hard across the room. It thumps dully against the far wall and onto the floor. They should all be punished for just standing there, doing nothing while she was tortured. While she died! If they are so religious they should see that they will all burn in hell.
Although that is what I did: nothing. Am I so much better than them? I stood there when she called out to me and failed her when she needed me most. She served me as a friend, a confidant, a maid, but I couldn't repay her? Not for one moment? Hell, as far as I know I wouldn't be staying much longer, who cares what they tried to do to me. But she, she was going to stay here the rest of her life. Her life was just getting started. Maybe I should be punished along with everyone else. No. Not maybe. Definitely, I should, if not more. the rest didn't know her. But I did I should have tried harder. I should have.
I sank down further in my seat, as sadness ran through me like cold water. My breathing became uneven as tears racked my body. Who was I crying for? Eleanor or myself. Maybe it was for her family that she left behind. Maybe it was for Tom because I knew he would never be the same again. He had visited the estate once since she died. I didn't recognize him at first. He moved like a ghost, silent and slowly. He wore his clothes like they were chains, pulling him down, forever. His face seemed sunken and grim. His eyes glazed over and emotionless but if you stared long enough you could see the personal hell he was living through behind them. He spoke without emotion like they were automatic, not his own doing. I have no doubt that everything he does is automatic now, no joy, no purpose anymore. Rumours started spreading around town about him now(not that I listened much.) They said he was a lost soul, he would never love again, feel joy again. I think a lot of the town has been grieving him more than they had been Eleanor. But I think the rumours are wrong, I don't think his soul is lost. I think it is gone. Somehow it had left him when Eleanor died. Leaving only an empty shell, tethered to earth. He may still be here, but he was as dead as Eleanor was.
He came to invite my family and I to the funeral. My family had gone, Abe described it to me later. Most of the town didn't show, who would want to attend the funeral of someone whose death you cheered. But those who did cried fake tears into dainty cloths, said words that meant nothing and then watched the coffin be buried. A pauper's coffin, in a pauper's grave. Of course there was nothing in it, there was nothing to bury. They had to bury her in a forest, the town wouldn't let a witch into their good Protestant cemetery. Tom hadn't shown up either, she wasn't there why should he be. But Eleanor wouldn't care if I didn't show up. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. And why would I want to comfort those who watched her suffer?
"Elizabeth?"
I picked my head off the table, to look at who had spoken. Margaret stood over me a gentle smile on her face. I didn't want to look at her perfect hair, and perfect(for the time) makeup. She acted like appearance mattered. It doesn't, once your dead people wont think of how you never had one bad hair day, they wont.
"What?" I muttered, setting my forehead back on the table.
"Your Mother sent me to fetch you.'' She said with forced cheeriness.
"Hmmm gotta say I'll pass. Doin' a lot of busy work."
"Oh it will not be so bad. The Duchess has arranged-"
"Why don't you ever call her Auntie?" I interrupt her to stop her from trying to convince me to go.
"What?" she said with befuddlement.
"Why don't you call my mother, auntie. She is your aunt after all."
"Well it never seemed proper to me regarding her station after all..." she trailed off, a cheeky grin spreading on her face. "Oh, you nearly got me! You are coming Elizabeth. Duchess Hemerton has arranged a very grand and very expensive party to cheer you up. It used to always cheer you up, besides you must get out of this library. It is not healthy for a lady such as yourself to be in here constantly reading." She said the words like it was a horrible thing. "You know what they say about people who read too much."
"Nope."
She ignored my response, "Also I was not suppose to tell you, but Duchess Hemerton hired Anne Torne from London!"
"Who? That name means nothing to me."
"The singer? She supposedly sings like a nightingale. Oh it has not been years since I last heard proper music."
"I hear music all the time. I'm good"
"No you don't." She sighed, "I know you are depressed since Eleanor died, but Elizabeth, you cannot let this control you. Come and enjoy this party tonight and if you still wish to remain in here, I will let you do so and make sure no one disturbs you."
"Fine, as long as you keep your promise."

The garden had been completely transformed. Decorated tables draped in linen were set up around a large gazebo. Servers were walking around laughing crowds with drinks in hand. Delicious food that I could smell from here were set up on long banquet tables. A band was setting up their array of violins, cellos, and trombones. Pretty much it gave off the feel of an outdoor wedding banquet. This is what our wedding should have been like.
Duchess Hemerton after catching a glimpse of me scurried over. "Oh my dear it is so good to see you out of that room. Abraham has just looked awfully forlorn since you stopped speaking to the lot of us. I sure hope that you have consummated the marriage before the whole um ordeal."
I widen my eyes in surprise, "Um its not your business what we decide to do or not!"
"Yes it is," she said picking a drink off a passing server, "The agreement between us and the Warlest's was for a full marriage. If you do not consummate it they may take it to court."
"I am not talking to you about this!" I could feel my face burning as I quickly rushed off. I find a small section of the garden that was free of people. I lean against a tree watching the guests bumble about talking to people, eating, watching the band begin its first song. A lady with long black hair curled and piled on her head elegantly stepped out of the shadows. The way she moved seemed to demand everyone's attention. She breathed in slowly watching the tension and desire build in the crowd. This woman knew how to work an audience. Slowly she let out a low note holding it and letting it rise. She closed her eyes like she was feeling the music. Quickly the slow note started jumping around rising and sinking along with the quick notes played by the band. She was good, I'll giver her that but I have heard hundreds just as talented. But apparently I was the only one who felt like that. She had the audience enraptured in her voice. I glimpsed Abe staring at her with pure focus and wonderment. I-I wonder if he's ever looked at me in a similar way.
"I have never heard something so beautiful," a deep voice said from the forest behind me making me jump a mile high. I whip my head around to find George the garden hermit standing behind me.
"Geez George you scared me!"
"I am very sorry Lady Hemerton! It was a mistake to speak, I see that now."His gaze flicked back to the singer, his mouth scrunched and his brow furrowed.
"What is it you're not saying George?"
"Well,um, I just have not been seeing you around recently, and I was wondering where you have been," he muttered and rushed through the sentence like he wasn't sure if he should be asking.
"Well I've been in the library researching."
"If you do not mind telling me, what were you researching?"
I hesitated unsure whether to tell him or not, but George seems like a nice guy. "Well I've been looking for stuff on time travel stories and rumours; just for fun." I hold my breath as I watch his reaction. He cant think anything is too odd, he is a living ornament for a living.
"Have you found anything?" He asked whilst watching the singer, his expression void of judgement.
I puff of air (probably pure frustration) escaped my lips, "No."
"You know what you need? Someone who knows the topic," he smiled a mischievous smile.
"What are you some kind of time travel expert? 'Cause if you are that would be great help."
"No but I am acquainted with someone who is an expert of lore, myths, and everything in between. He is a historian. If you wish I can write him asking if he could come here."
A spark of hope hit me in the chest. I am such an idiot! Why didn't I try to find a professional in the first place. Weeks wasted on looking by myself. "Please do. Tell him to come as soon as he can."
George chuckled, "Anything for you my lady."
I turned to watch the performance. I mean I can't research without this historian, right? So I might as well enjoy the party. There's nothing to be upset about anymore. Soon Eleanor will be fine and hopefully I will be going home. Time travel can't be that hard if I already did it once. I'm sure as soon as I find the pattern I'll be able to go wherever(or should I say whenever) I want.