Dear Past, You Suck!

London My Love

Maids were ordered to assist me packing. When I say assist, it really means do it all for me despite my objections. They whirled around me, garments flashing, folding, packing. It felt like I was sitting inside a little colourful whirlwind. They were already on the third trunk and my wardrobe was half empty. I was staying for four days, I don't need a lifetime supply of dresses to come with me.

"Um, guys? Don't you- do you not feel as though this is plenty for my trip?" I asked the women around me. They paused for a second, looked at each other, then proceeded to continue packing. The Head House Maid- a sassy old lady that doesn't care about who you are as long as you let her do her job- briskly folded a dress, not looking at me while replying.

"I am afraid not. We have been instructed to fill all of your trunks with your garments."

"Well you're doing just that so-"

"So all of your trunks have not yet been filled so you will not bother us again or you may leave!" She said harshly. Her old gray eyes striking my gaze. It lasted briefly but it was intense- the 'shut up you stupid girl' look. The 'do not test me again' look. The 'I will make you stay in for recess' look. For some reason it made my eyes prickle. I leaped up sitting on the bed.

"Um I-I'll just leave you to your work then," I stuttered my voice choking. I scurried out of the room, pretending not to notice the maids' snickers. Nobody had talked to me like that for months! It was all 'yes my lady' or 'of course my lady Elizabeth.' I guess I have just gotten used to it. Which is so stupid! If I had cried every time someone had said something harsh to me in school, I don't think I would have ever stopped crying. I leaned against a wall, trying to hold in tears.

"Beth, what is vexing you?" Margaret asked, gently touching my arm. I quickly tried wiping my eyes.

"I should not bother you," I tried laughing it off.

"No please, we are family. Tell me." She said gently.

I distracted myself by playing with the skirt of my dress. "Well it is just the Head Maid she... I don't know. It's stupid."

"Say no more, I understand. I have cried several times since I have arrived here because of her. Perhaps it is time we dismiss her from the household."

Could I have her fired? No that would be wrong, right? "No, I'll just um go say goodbye to Mother."

The entire household had to see me off. Standing in a line along the house. I travelled down the line, each man and woman bowing and curtseying as I passed. I did a quicker walk past the head Maid, after making me cry I couldn't look at her. At the end of the line I said my farewells to my family. The way they acted it was like I was leaving for months. I suppose this is the first time I had left since my disappearance. Maybe they are scared I won't come back again. Some are probably hoping I won't come back. I get into the carriage and as it pulls away from the magnificent estate, I stick my hand out the window, waving to the people watching.

Several agonizing hours later we arrived in London. I didn't realize we had got there because I was laying on my back on the hard seat trying to forget the sloshing of my stomach. It was late but the carriage did not take us the hotel, instead it took us to a dark building. It was eerie in the cast of the streetlights' fire. A few lights in the tall decorative building glimmered. A slight wind whipped the bottom of my gown. It was creepy with the little noise. Cities weren't supposed to be this quiet ever.

"Are we not going to rest before doing anything?" I ask as the carriage driver helps me out of the carriage. My lungs greedily clutching the fresh night air instead of the carriages odour. I'm done with smelling old leather, damp wood, and the body odour of a hockey rink's changing room. A small pressure that had been in my temples for that past 12 hours lessened in the night air.

"Do you think we must rest because it is 11 O'Clock?" Sir Logger asked, quiet amusement crinkling his eyes.

"Pretty much. Yes," I replied briskly as I shivered in the cold early fall air. I hope we will move inside soon, I forgot to bring my shawl.

"Ah but the night is the best time to learn and this is the best place to learn!" He placed his hand on my shoulder guiding me towards the front doors of the building.

"This is that library then, Sir Logger?"

"That library? It is The Library! Every topic you could ever dream to read is under this roof! This is where's I gained my passion and I hope you will too."

"What passion is that?" But he ignored me and opened up the large front door. I shook it off and walked inside. I was hoping for it to be warmer inside but it was just at cold. The building made up for it though. Everything even the ceiling was exquisitely crafted. I breathed a wow of pure amazement. Sir Logger approached a bored looking man who had slumped over in his chair.

"We would like to enter."

The man sighed, "You will have to make an oral oath."

"Of course, Elizabeth you will have to do it as well."

The man looks at me skeptically,"The Lady would like to enter?"

"Uh, yes, I would." I said defensively.

The man looked up at Sir Logger, "You will be liable for her."

I was about to protest and put this man in his place but I bit my tongue.

"I am aware." Sir Logger said formally.

"Repeat this phrase. I hereby undertake not to remove from the Library, nor to mark, deface, or injure in any way, any volume, document or other object belonging to it or in its custody; not to bring into the Library, or kindle therein, any fire or flame and I promise to obey all rules of the Library."

We both repeated the oath and were allowed past the gate. Through the first door we were greeted by rows and rows of books. Oil lanterns lay on study tables around the shelves. "Time to find what we are looking for."

We looked through shelves and books until the sun came up. Well Sir Logger did, I had fallen asleep only an hour in. Most were similar in premise to what we had read at home, but there were still thousands to go through. I woke up to sun blinding me.

"It is good to see you awake," Sir Logger greeted me from a arm chair.

Groggily, I sat up. I flexed my stiff jaw. An old book didn't make a very comfortable pillow. Well maybe it wasn't old. "Did you sleep at all?"

"No I can never sleep when there is so much to be done," he laughed. "Should we go soon?"

"Where are we going? We have not found anything of use yet though."

"Duchess Hemerton has requested we visit your brother at his boarding school. Do not worry we will return here soon."

"Oh goody," I said sarcastically but Sir Logger didn't seem to take the hint.

"I am glad you are excited. Shall we go?"

"Yes, I suppose," I sigh, stretching my stiff limbs.

I don't want to hurt this poor kid but how am I suppose to pretend I remember him? I'll just have to act happy to be there I suppose. This will be difficult. Usually I'd rely on Abe to help me with this but I guess I'll have to handle this on my own.