Love on the Scale

Chapter Forty-Five

Twilight. My heartbeat was a train I couldn't derail from the tracks. What if everything was revealed? What if Brandi told James and James told Neil? How could I have been so stupid to tell her I still was in love with him. But she had promised not to tell. Promised. Could you trust anyone these days?

All these questions spun in my head as I fed the material of Macyn's dress through the bobbing needle of my noisy sewing machine. Earlier in the day, in a moment of weakness, I had confessed. Brandi had hugged me, said she was happy I had felt close and safe enough too share it with her. The truth was, she was a sister to me, a soul sister was perhaps a better word, and I had needed to tell someone before the truth burst out of my skin. It had landed in the hands of a safe person for now, but in an attack of paranoia, I was beginning to regret opening my mouth, even to a friend. If Neil ever found out any of this, I would have to wrap my head in a balaclava and never show my face in this town again. It was a good thing that Macyn couldn't hear my thoughts, because she was standing next to me, waiting for her final dress fitting.

"I'm not so sure about this, Chris... I mean, I'll be surrounded by the most beautiful faces in fashion. I can't compete, especially if I want Sean to take notice."

I snipped the last loose threads from the dress hem. "It's done. Wow Mace, you're going to rock this dress. I can't actually believe I pulled it off. Get that nightgown off, and lets have a look." Macyn hung the gown on a hanger and took the new dress from me.

"Did you just hear what I said, Chris? I don't think I'm going to go to the show anymore." She slipped the dress over her head. I zipped her in.

"Mace, I heard you and I hear you. Unbelievably, Neil is apparently also part of the show. James dropped that bomb on me early this morning. I am fighting the anxiety of seeing Neil again. I mean, I may need to wear a hat and sunglasses if I do go. I just can't bare the idea of being in a room with him." I suddenly saw Macyn as if for the first time. The dress I had made looked amazing on her. "Macyn, go and look at yourself in the mirror." She let out a sigh, walked to the mirror and broke out in the first smile I had ever seen her wear.

"Chris..." Her emotions held her back from saying anything more.

"Beautiful." No other words were needed.

She turned to me, hugged me. We were suddenly okay. It was over, our drama, our history. "Thank you." She said.

"You're welcome. I'm... Glad you like it."

She laughed. "Where's yours?"

"Nope. Not happening." I turned away, hiding my sketch-pad.

"Come on, just let me see the sketch. I won't tell anyone."

"Macyn, no offense, but you could never keep a secret. If I do attend the fashion show... If... then you will get to see it then. Right now, you need to go." I pushed her out my bedroom and closed the door.

"Chris..."

"Bye bye..." I sang.

"What about giving me a clue." She was still there, speaking through the crack in the door.

"Nothing and nowhere and no way... now skedaddle, scram. I'll be up all night sewing. Right now you're standing in the way of me having a dress or me arriving in my underwear."

After that, the house was quiet. I took out my half-finished dress. It was the color of a woman in love. Was I in love? A voice ran off in furious conversation in my head. Listen. You will look at someone like they are an apocalypse and all you want is to step into their path and be destroyed in the best way possible. Trust me, you have already pulled your bloody aching heart out of your chest and held it out for everybody like a show-and-tell...

"I have not!"

I had spoken out loud to myself. I had actually answered my own non-existent persona, like a schizophrenic in a psychiatric hospital. I was seriously loosing it.