Chapter Fifteen

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Noah had thought, after meeting Kaya and travelling with her, that the armour she wore was so complex, so dense, and moulded not only to her body but to her heart, her soul, that it would have taken months just for the first layer of it to peel away.

And whilst that probably wasn't wrong, Noah had, just for a moment, seen that armour for what it really was.

After scolding Felix, Noah had thought to check on Kaya to make sure she hadn't actually injured herself in the fall but when he made it down to the river he had seen her on the water's edge. The sunlight didn't reach her where she crouched, and while she was in a patch of shade Noah couldn't help but notice how separate she had seemed from her surroundings. The clouds continued to move across the sky, and the wind rippled the water and the fields of grass across the foothills, but the space around Kaya seemed still, as if she was watching a world she didn't belong to pass her by.

But he noticed her face in her hands. His first thought had been that she was hurt, but it occurred to him that it wasn't the pain from a physical injury that he could see bearing down on her. Instead, he had seen exhaustion and it occurred to him, then, how tiring it must be to maintain the armour that she did, to hold the defences she had around her.

And to rebuild them each time they had fallen.

Because Noah saw the scars, saw the cracks which he hadn't seen before. He didn't know what gave him this clarity, or whether it was because Kaya had revealed it only because she thought she was alone, but Noah didn't see this as weakness. He didn't think Kaya was weak just because she had cracks, or hidden fragility. Instead, he saw it as strength.

Because you would have to be strong, to rebuild yourself each and every time you broke.

Noah had always had Felix and Addius whenever he was struggling, whatever that struggle might have been, but based on Kaya's reluctant to trust people Noah guessed she hadn't had anyone, at least for a while.

And it was Noah's fault.

Noah had spoken Kaya's name without thought, and when she turned to him he saw nothing of the moment he had witnessed in her face. In her mask.

'Noah.'

The uncharacteristic sharpness in Felix's tone snapped Noah out of his thoughts and he looked ahead, finding Addius waiting for them at the manor's back gate. Noah had known Addius for longer than he could remember, so he tried not to rely on Addius' arithtar when determining Addius' mood but when the markings were reaching closer toward his nose than they had been during the last three days, they were hard to ignore.

Felix moved aside to let Noah pass, a gentle nudge against his horse's flank urging her into a quick trot. 'Is everything all right?' he asked. 

'You're needed at the watchtower,' Addius said, looking pointedly up at Felix.

Getting the hint, Felix nodded and said, 'Addius, could you help Kaya to the stables?'

Noah looked to Kaya, noticing how she watched the exchange with a perceptiveness that wasn't just natural, but also honed. He wondered, not for the first time, how she had learned to fight – to survive.

Addius wasn't impressed with the request, but he gave a relenting roll of his eyes and took hold of Kaya's reins just as she leapt down from the saddle.

'Duty calls,' Noah told her with a lazy shrug. 'You should explore the library more. It'll keep Liren company.'

'Just don't take any books out of the library without Liren's permission,' Felix added, grinning. 'Noah learnt the hard way how territorial Liren is over his collection.'

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