Satellite of Love

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Jordan

As I sat outside on the curb, people passed by me, staring down at me as I held my head. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Praying and hoping I wouldn't totally lose it, I rocked back and forth, keeping my knees to my chest.

"Hey, Jordan," Jamie said, standing above me. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at anybody and I was hungry and wanted fries and a shake, but I couldn't handle going back in there. Where's Tim? He'll know what I want...no...no...I need to grow up...I don't want Jamie calling Tim. "Jordan..." Jamie said.

"It's too noisy," I said, still holding my head and looking down at the ground. "I don't know what I want. I can't do it. I can't!" I raised my voice unintentionally. He crouched down beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I didn't want anyone touching me.

"Get away from me," I said.

"Okay. We'll go home," he said.

"No!" I shouted. "I want a burger and fries and a shake. I want...I want....I don't want to go home yet."

"Okay...okay..." he said, doing his best to stay calm and neutral. "What do you want?"

"I don't know," I said, staring down at the ground, pulling at my hair.

"I don't know how to help you. What can I do? Are you hungry?"

"Yes," I said, annoyed because I was sure he knew I was hungry.

"We can go somewhere else if you want."

"Just go," I said. "Go..."

"You want me to leave you here?"

"Get food. I'll wait here."

"Are you sure?"

"Go." I didn't care what he got me, just that he'd get me something. "I'll have what you have." There, that settled it. I made up my mind.

A little while later, Jamie returned with burgers, fries, and shakes. Thinking nothing of it, he sat down on the curb beside me. "It's salted caramel. It's one of my favorites," he said, handing me a shake. I took a big sip. It was really good. I was actually starving, which partly contributed to my freak-out. After drinking half of the shake, I started to feel better. I happily ate a couple of fries. Jamie was right; the fries really were good, maybe some of the best I'd ever eaten.

"Thank you for not calling Tim," I said.

"Why would I call Tim?" he said. "Everything's under control. It's cool. It was kind of loud in there, anyway."

While sitting on the curb, we devoured everything. As we headed back to his Jeep, I wondered what he thought about my mini freak-out. It could have been worse. Jamie had this ability to read my mind. "Hey..." Jamie said , bringing his arm around my waist. "Hey, it's alright. You're alright." He kissed the side of my face. "Why don't we go back to the house and go skinny dipping?" Nodding, that sounded good to me. I just hoped there was time before Tim got home.

"Am I your boyfriend?" I asked. He paused before answering.

"I don't know," he said. "Do you want to be?"

"Yes," I said. "Promise me you won't cheat on me?"

"I don't cheat on my boyfriends," he said. "You're thinking about Gina, right? And what she said? Gina...well, Gina...she's different. I was in a relationship with her for all the wrong reasons."

"We have to tell Tim," I said.

"I know," he sighed. "But maybe you should tell him you're gay first."

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