In Between Days: Raising Jordan (boyxman)✅

Mad World

Jordan

How could Tim do that? How could I do that? Why did I do that? I was stupid. Stupid, stupid.

Pulling at my hair, I paced around my room, ashamed and embarrassed, wishing I could take everything back.

Jamie saw me freak out and it was worse than what I did at Shake Shack. He saw what I did to the kitchen. All the drawers and their contents were all over the floor. I made a mess. I had every reason to be embarrassed.

How could I do that? I asked myself over and over. Why would Tim do my laundry? Why didn't he remind me? Why, why, why?

My episodes didn't last as long as they used to, but they still happened. Historically, once I was in the middle of a rage, I had a hard time stopping and calming down.

After a quiet knock on my door, the door opened. "Go away," I said to Tim. He didn't go away, though, and approached me, handing me a glass of water, which I took.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You're right. I should have reminded you. I shouldn't have touched your clothes. I'm sorry."

I didn't know what to say, only wanting to scream, but no sounds came out. No sounds at all.

"Jamie still wants to take you to the beach," Tim said.

I paused a minute, searching for my voice."After Mom?" The words squeaked out.

"Yes, after you see Mom," he said. The glass of water helped calm me down. At least I stopped pulling at my hair.

"Should I...should I go back downstairs?" I said, doing my best to regain my senses.

"Yes," he said. "Before Jamie cleans up your mess. I told him not to, but I know how he is."

Nodding, I headed back down the stairs. Quietly, I entered the kitchen, hoping to find it vacant. I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized Jamie wasn't there. Silverware and a bunch of other non-breakable items were scattered over the kitchen floor. Once I threw a glass, shattering it on the floor. Because I rarely wore shoes and socks, I cut up my feet really badly. I never did that again.

I can't believe I'm still doing this at my age, I thought to myself as I got down on my knees to start the cleaning-up process.

As I knelt on the floor gathering up the silverware, I spotted a pair of feet. They were too big to be Tim's. Also, Tim would never wear sandals, unlike Jamie. I didn't know what to say. There was nothing to say.

"You want to eat something before we go?" Jamie said. "I don't think you've even had breakfast." When I didn't answer, he got down on the floor, kneeling beside me.

"Don't," I said so he wouldn't try to help me. This was my mess to clean up and I didn't deserve anyone's help. "I'm not hungry." He placed a hand on my back, sending chills down my spine. I didn't deserve his kindness.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine," I said, which was all I was going to say.

"Thank you," he said.

For what? I wondered.

"No one's ever given me a sunflower before," he said as if to read my mind, sensing my confusion. I didn't know what to say. Jamie was the only thing on my mind most of the time, so when I was passing through the sunflower field, I picked one for him. I thought maybe he'd like it and I guess I was right. "I love it," he said. "Thank you." With his hand still on my back, he kissed the side of my face. "It was the most incredible thing anyone's ever given me." He kissed me again before picking up one of the drawers. He put it back in its proper place.