Together Forever.

Never Good Enough

~•~•flashback~•~•~

I'm never going to be skinny enough I thought to myself as I stood in front of my mirror poking my bony hips. I slowly picked my body apart, looking it up and down; completely disgusted by what I see. I haven't eaten in days, my weight is shedding so easily. I'm almost the size I want to be, I won't be eating for a while now. Ethan will love me more, he won't ever leave me. I'll be perfect and more people will love me, maybe I will even love me too.

Maybe if tomorrow I just drink water, that will help, a smile spread across my face, just then Alice walked in the door. Her mouth immediately dropped to the floor,

"Marie!" she shrieked to the horror of seeing my body,

"Alice, don't. It's not what it looks like" I walked over to her to calm her down,

"It's not what it looks like? What it looks like is my best friend is anorexic and is killing herself" she said in a whisper that was all she could say before she started crying. She wrapped me up in her arms, I started to cry also,

"Alice, don't tell anybody. I'm almost to the size I want to be-" I try to finish but was cut off,

"Marie, no. You are eating, I won't tell anybody but you will start eating again"

It's not that easy, just start eating again. I'm skinny, almost beautiful, and I almost like myself. I can't simply just start eating again, I hate food, it disgusts me. All the fat, calories, and carbs make me feel sick to my stomach. I would rather have water, cool, refreshing water. I can feel it running down my throat, and I'll stick to gum that way my body thinks it's eating.

What if I tell Alice I'll eat, but then I don't, or just throw it up. perfect.

--------------

"Don't worry Alice, I'll eat dinner. Call me down when it's ready" I finished then ran up the stairs to my bedroom, I threw the box down into my bed. I stood in the middle of my room looking at it; the tears started streaming down my face. I pace back and forth across my shaggy, brown carpet floor running my fingers through my hair. There are so many memories in that journal I would rather not read, but I have to.

-No you don't Marie, you will just fall back into your old ways

 -No, I'm fine, and I can do this.

-I'm talking to myself. Wow. I'm insane.

I slowly walk over to my knee high bed; I bend over and grab the package. I pick it up slowly, and peel back a piece of tape holding the hideous brown paper around the box. I decided to just get it over with I yanked the paper off like there was no tomorrow. I set the box down, the top fell open. Then there it was, my journal, a couple shirts, and my camera, 'here goes nothing' I mumble to myself as I pick up my journal. I take a seat on my bed and sit Indian style, I flip open the cover and read the first page.