Miss Perfect and The Bad Boy

eighteen - drowning

Alex

"Fuck," I yelled, slamming the wall with my good fist. This was all his fault. Why did he have to show up here after he almost got me killed for his mistakes?

Now my mom and Emma were a crying mess in the living room and Nikki was unconscious on my bed. When she was trying to separate us, one of us must've hit her by accident.

My dad had left the house with the car when my mom threatened to call the cops. He almost tried hitting her but finally sulked out of the house with his bloody jaw intact.

"Are you okay?" My mom asked for the fifth time between sobs.

"Fine. You should rest," I mumbled, squeezing her shoulder and walking to my room to check on Nikki. My lip was cut from the few punches he got in but I was more concerned about Nikki than my face. Luckily, my broken arm and ribs didn't feel any different. I didn't know how I would have paid that hospital bill off.

I sat down beside her, still knocked out, and put her hand in mine. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "Wake up and I'll let you have all the chocolate chip pancakes you want."

Her dark hair covered her face and I moved it away, placing a light kiss on her forehead. She was so beautiful, the most beautiful person I'd ever seen and I couldn't stand hurting her.

After a minute, I got up and sighed. I walked to my dresser and opened the last drawer. There was a small bag with different types of pills. I opened it, with a lot of difficulty thanks to the stupid fucking cast, and let the little white pills spill out onto my hand.

I stared at them, my throat feeling tight. A few of these, and I could really just end it right here, right now.

"Alex?"

Putting the pills back into the bag, I went over to Nikki quickly. "You're awake!"

She furrowed her eyebrows when she saw me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not the one who got knocked out," I said slowly, sitting down.

"No, I know, but your lip," she said, reaching out to lightly touch it with her thumb. My eyes fluttered under her touch and I tried to ignore the feeling of it. Now was not the time to be daydreaming about her. "Where's your dad?"

"Gone." Hopefully for good.

"And your mom?"

"She's managing."

"It must've been hard for her, seeing your dad after that long, and then seeing that," she said quietly.

"It was." I frowned, looking away.

Nicole

Alex sat next to me on the bed, with a look on his face. A look I knew too well. He was signing out. It's the same look he had when he was trying to get out of my house to go do drugs, the same look he had when he was trying to push me away, the same look he had when he almost overdosed.

"No," I stated, getting up and standing in front of him.

He blinked at me, confused. "What?"

"You're losing yourself. You're trying to think of a way to push me away again."

His eyebrows scrunched together. "What are you talking about?"

"The look on your face. You're checking out, Alex. You get this blank, depressed look and barely talk and start acting weird. I'm not letting it happen." We stared at each other. "What happened? Is it your dad?"

Alex sighed shakily. "Nikki, I don't know what's going on. A few minutes ago, I was looking at the pills I had left over and I felt like I needed to take them. Like I was 15 again, and my dad was passed out for days from all the alcohol. Like after my mom left and my dad would hit me just because he was angry at the world for his mistakes. I feel like-" He paused as his voice broke and looked up at me with his desperate eyes searching mine. "I feel so alone. I'm drowning and I'm taking everyone down with me. I'm losing everyone. Everything's turning into shit and my life feels hopeless."

He put his head in his hands as tears threatened to fall from my eyes. "Alex, please look at me. You're not alone, You're not losing me. You're not drowning or taking anyone down. You're stronger than that, I know that." I stared at him, as I was crying, and whispered, "Please look at me."

He lifted his head up and I saw that he was crying too. I reached out to him as his head fell onto my shoulder and he buried his face into my shoulder. "I'm tired, Nikki. I'm so tired of feeling like this. No matter what I do or what happens, it always comes back to this."

We sat there, holding each other as tight as possible. I remembered when we were in this same position a few weeks ago. He was still trying to pull me as close to him as possible and holding me so tight. His body was shaking against me.

After a few minutes, he whispered something. It was barely audible but I heard it.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you, and I never will. Thank you for everything. I love you."