Reduced to Ruin

Chapter 30

Spring in Kansas was beautiful.  Snow was giving way to blooming wildflowers, and I could smell the change in the air.

         More and more, James was allowing me to stay downstairs. I was having to make special trips upstairs just to clean the apartment or retrieve something I needed.

         I often spent the night in James's room. I basked in the freedom I was given. I was so close. So close I could feel it. I knew the alarms on the outside doors were still there, probably even the windows, but my plan wasn't to try another house escape anyway. 

         My life back in Southern California seemed like a lifetime ago, a dream I could hardly recall. I fought to remember what my dad and Lisa looked like. One moment, I could see them, then the next minute I wasn't so sure. I was desperate to get home. They were becoming translucent in the crevices of my memories.

         Yet, other than the sexual encounters, I was finding myself enjoying James's company more and more. If you didn't know I had been kidnapped, you'd think we were happy together.

         My favorite moments were the quiet ones. James and I reading on the couch—me with a new novel he bought me, he with the Wall Street Journal—with our legs intertwined. . . Taking a nap with James during a Kansas rainstorm . . . Getting a backrub from James after an unusually arduous workout. I loved all of the small moments. I knew logically I shouldn't, but emotionally I did. There was the Stockholm Syndrome I couldn't deny. I guessed I was no different than any other human.

         And as far as some strange sexual fantasies, nothing weird ever happened. James was always gentle with me and didn't ask for anything kinky from me. Although he raped me nearly every day, I guessed it could've been worse.

*  *  *

         For Memorial Day, James and I were busy preparing for another get together with some of our friends. Dr. Manning and Sophia were coming, along with the Palmers, and a new B.F.O family, the Sandersons, who I had never met. They were traveling from about eight hours away and were going to spend the night. For some reason, that made me feel uneasy.

         We had a lot of preparations to make before they came. They were going to sleep upstairs in my apartment. I heard James say that way they could lock her in for the night. Cameron was in his late twenties and the girl was all of about eighteen. Like Sophia had done for me, the men were hoping I could help this girl, Alexis, get through this difficult time. Since I was younger than Sophia, James thought I could make a unique connection with her. But I didn't feel I was in any place to be a victim's counselor, especially when I was secretly trying to escape myself. Putting on a front was exhausting enough with James. I didn't have extra energy for Alexis.

         I spent much of the Memorial Day afternoon cooking and preparing for a festive occasion. The weather was perfect, and I had all of the windows open to let in the breeze. I could feel summer coming, and I was going to miss the spring.

         The Mannings arrived around three p.m. It felt like I hadn't seen them in forever, even though it was only three weeks.

         The Sandersons arrived not too long afterward. Cameron Sanderson stood about six feet tall and was very wide. He wore khaki shorts and a button down shirt. He was holding hands with a girl whose eyes seemed to be screaming, Save me! That deer-in-the-headlights look.

         Didn't I once look like that? I felt a pit in my stomach. I ached for her and her long-lost family. I was in over my head.

         Everyone mingled in the family room and on the patio as I was trying to get things set out on the table. James came into the kitchen and nudged me.