Caged Instinct

Chapter 6: Happiness

What is happiness? A smile, a laugh, something you feel? The dictionary definition is the state of being happy. So what's happy? A smile? A laugh? Something you feel that makes you feel warm and safe. A not feel sad feeling? That's what I want? But the dictionary definition states that it's just feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Why is it so important that we have that? Because that doesn't tell me what I want. That tells me, nothing So why am I begging to keep mine.
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"Please just calm down." The girl dressed in black says for the millionth time. Leaning against the wall, I glance up, meeting eyes with hers. Tears running down mine. I let my eyes study her. And I see behind her black hood, a strand of blonde hair, that look close to the color of mine but brighter.

She follows my gaze and pulls the hood further over her head, now impossible to see the blonde strand of her hair.

"Why can't I see your face?" I sniffle.

"It's not important." She stands.

"How do I get out of here please help me." I tell her somewhat asking, not bothering to even continue with who she was in the first place.

"You have to do this on your own. Look, I know how it feels. Okay that cave in feeling? The, feeling like someone's sitting on you chest. Okay I know how it feels. But you have to get over it somehow and the way your doing it is wrong. Your hurting yourself. So stand up, look in the stupid mirror and see where it takes you." She puts her hand out to help me up and I grab it, wiping my tears.

I look into the mirror, seeing him behind me once again. Single tears run down my cheek but I don't let him get to me.

"Okay, I see him. He's, talking.. to someone. I don't know who, I- I only seem him but he's turned to his side. We're still in history class I can tell." He takes a glance across the room and my stomach sinks. "He's looking at me..." I look at him closely. His eyes move to me then back to whoever he's talking to. Then back to me. "He's whispering across the room, it's not to me though I think it's to Katelyn."

Suddenly Katelyn appears in my view, smiling, whispering back, my stomach sinks further, and I feel like someone's ripping out my heart.

"Katelyns talking time him." I mumble. "I think she's saying yes to something but I don't know what he asked. Now she's saying, uh, I think to let me be." I turn to face the girl in black, with what I think blonde hair.

"Why am I doing this."

"Because you need to stop letting him get to you!" She yells.

"Well he already has!" I yell back and suddenly the light gray room turns a darker grey. We both look at the walls, the ceiling. The mirror has disappeared.

"Do you see what you did!" She yells.

"What I did! You did this!"

"I did? Excuse me? I'm trying to help you." She tells me.

"Well for your information your not helping. This is just hurting me. So your doing a horrible job." I say back, and she stares and shakes her head.

"You are definitely! The most complicated person I have ever met!" She yells. "Just let me help you!"

"Just shut up!" I scream. "Okay, I'm happy. I'm fine."

"Your not!"

"What's the point! Happiness, no happiness. What even is happiness! I laugh, I smile, at times. I also cry, and I'm upset, and I'm angry. But it's life!" I yell and suddenly I feel the presence of a lot more then just one person. I turn around.

"What are you doing here!" I yell and try to walk up to Adam.

"Ashley, stay there."

"How'd you even get here!"

"Ashley!"

"Adam! Stop, please. You've done enough."

"Ashley." He says calmly.

"Just leave. Leave please I don't want to see you!" I turn.

"Look at me, okay I never meant to hurt you." I turn, nervous, scared, anxious and meet his eyes.

There sad, like mine.

"I'm sorry. Please, we need to talk." He starts.

But, I can't respond. Because suddenly the girl in black, that had been trying to help me, trying to make me realize what was wrong, that had been trying to make me understand everything, was standing next to him, with a gun to his head. But her hood off, I see her face so clearly it scared me, her eyes, her hair, her sad and completely faked smile. I even see the tear run down her eye.

and I can definitely see she looks just like me.