Erika- A War torn Love

Chapter 13

As the months passed since the restaurant bombing, Heinrich and I became more distant. We would still go on dates, but we were very rarely alone, usually in the company of other officers. I was given no choice of where we went or what I should wear. Much of the time I felt Heinrich took me for show, rather than really wanting to spend time with me. He was noticeably more guarded, most of the time he didnt tell me what he was doing, or where he had been. He was careful not to talk about the war around me, and hushed others that were when I was around.

Part of me didnt blame him, he was protecting himself and me, but I was disappointed. After accepting his proposal I had promised him I would not protect anyone, even a friend again. He didnt realise I did love him and the guilt I felt for what he had been through would prevent me going back on my word. I still hated the Nazis but kept this entirely to myself, now knowing the danger it could put us both in.

As the distance between us increased I had time to think of the past, it reminded me of when I meet Eric, and gave me time to examine my true feelings for Heinrich.  Even though I had only met him a couple of times, and all we had shared was a kiss, I could not put him out of my mind. I didnt feel this with Heinrich most days passing without him popping into my head once. It was this which made me sure that the time had come to end our relationship, before we started to hurt one another more than we were already doing.

As I walked out of my room to begin my radar shift I realised today marked a year since I joined the Wermacht. A year since I left Helmstedt, and a year since I had met Heinrich. Later I would find Heinrich, however this was not to celebrate one year having passed, it was in fact the opposite, I was going to break up with him.

I walked into to the radar room and the girls were full of chatter about an impending visit from a senior Nazi official. This made a change from the continuous questioning I had endured since news of my engagement. The girls explained that he would be coming to make an inspection of the base and would deliver promotions from Hitler.

"Oh whatever, I don't give a damn who is coming" I said.

I scoffed at the idea of promotion, I once again hated being in the wermacht, the last thing I needed was to be promoted. I was quite sure however I would not be among those promoted. Firstly because of my tense relationship with Heinrich, who would surely have input on this decision, and secondly because the senior officer was likely to be a pompous fool, who would see straight through me.  Unlike the excitement from the rest of the girls I was annoyed. The visit meant I was having to work extra hours, completing a list of assigned duties to ensure the base was ready. This meant finding time to see Heinrich to break up with him was going to be hard work. My after shift extra duty was to re-build the sandbag shelters which were used during training. Maybe I would see Heinrich then, the sandbags would at least provide privacy to talk to him.

The day dragged, nothing came over the radar, and no one came in the room. Eventually the relief shift arrived and I left to go shift sandbags. As I hauled each bag, from one pile to another, which was identical to the first, but neater my arms throbbed under the weight. It had rained in the night; unusually heavy considering it was late summer so the first four layers were water logged. As I looked around allowing my arms a short break, Nazis walked around the base carrying boxes, marching and generally doing jobs which looked far more suited to a women than that which I was currently undertaking.

I wondered if my sandbagging was Heinrichs doing, the previous night we had stern words over my refusal to go into town with him. The worst part of the argument was that I couldnt defend myself because I did not really have a reason for not wanting to go. He threw a big tantrum about me showing him up in front of his fellow officers. As I retaliated, being derogatory to the officers calling them pompous, he took the comment personally.