Can't fall even harder (Band of brothers/Richard Winters)

XIV. Reasons

"Isabelle"
She turned her head and met Nixon's face,
"Why we always talk like that?" she asked chuckling, "I don't know, I'm a drama queen" he replied,
"How are you?" he asked her "I've been better, and you?" "Umh me too, listen, why don't you go talk to Richard, he's a little bit distant", Richard, she thought about him a lot after the jump, but didn't think about him during their mission, even though he was on the first line, commanding the men.
"Yeah, I'll go, where is he?" she asked him, "We talked a few moments ago, he should be near the river, I think he went up on that little hill" Nixon replied, gesturing the zone where she could be able to find him.
"Ok, thanks", she started walking towards him. What was she supposed to say to him, she didn't actually talk to him for a while, the last thing he said to him was <Now I have to go but I need to tell you something> or something like that. As said before, she was really preoccupied for him after the jump and after their encounter, she was relieved to see him alive: he seemed a little bit distant, a little bit cold. She couldn't blame him, after all, they were in the middle of a war, but he acted so coldly around her, it was strange.

She spotted him, he was watching on the other shore of the river as a city was on fire. She lighted a cigarette, and stopped next to him, looking too at the city.
"You shouldn't smoke, it's bad for your health, but I'm sure you know it," he said, not looking away from the flames
"Obviously I know that" she replied letting out a puff of smoke, "But it helps".

She had never liked smoking, her father and her grandfather smoked and she hates it, after studying medicine and understanding fully the outcomes of that bad habits she hates it more, but when she enrolled she started with once in a while to relieve stress. Recently she smoked a packet every two days.

"Still," he said moving his eyes to look at her figure, so much time passed from the last time they were so close and calmed, he wanted to treasure that moment, to drown in her presence. he admired her features again like he used to do back in the days, her lips were as beautiful as he remembered them, her voice, her nose, her body, everything was as he remembered it was; one thing changed, her eyes. Even in the dim light of the fire before them he could see something different, something was missing, but he couldn't understand what.

"Hoe was your jump?" she asked letting out another smoke, "The jump per se was easy, the part after was difficult, I was alone, I found some men and came to the camp" she turned her eyes daring to stare into his. "Nix is preoccupied for you" "yeah I know" "Do you want to tell me what happened," She asked softening her voice as much as humanly possible, putting lightly her hand on his shoulder.
He looked at her

"Hall"

he managed to whisper,

"He was a boy, he was barely on age to fight. Still, he came for what I ask for what? I don't know maybe he thought that there was something to fight for, yes his country, but why? He was so young, he had his all life ahead, why?" he wasn't looking at her anymore, he didn't want to, he didn't want anybody to see him like that, so broken.

She felt so many emotions; shock hit her first, then compassion for the poor boy, sadness and empathy for Richard as she saw the impact that event had on him and finally, understanding and love for the man in front of her, so fragile yet so strong.

"It doesn't matter, he's dead now, he fought for what he believed"
he again was staring in front of him, looking at the fire spreading on the city.

Isabelle threw away her cigarette.
After a moment she spoke:

"So why are you so scared?"

He faced her.
She turned her body to face him too and looked into his eyes.

"You are a fantastic person Richard Winters" she stated caressing his cheeks with her hands.
"I know that it scares you to loose all your companions, your friends, but sometimes there is no reason to why these things happen, maybe if you had to know Hall before the war you two would've been really good friends, but now in this life you aren't, It kills me to see you so broken, I'm unable to treat that type of wounds, unfortunately, all I can do is stay with you."

He stared at her.
How,
in all that madness,
how she could be so humane.
How could she remain so thoughtful, kind and compassionate?

"I know it will take a while to heal from that, but I'm here with you," she said hugging him.

She,
she was the reason
she was the reason he was going to win that war,
to give that woman a future,
to give her a place where she could live peacefully.

Even without him.

He wanted to tell her how he felt, he wanted it so badly.
He thought about it during his flight, he thought how to say it, he thought about when and where, but his mind always led to her figure lifeless on the ground and his heartbroken, he was in the middle ground, whatever he was going to do could've ended badly.

He wanted her to be happy, to be successful, to be loved. He couldn't ask her to be all of that during a war how could he, no, he was going to wait, to wait for better times, so if something happened to him she wouldn't be so attached.

They stayed like that, embracing each other, trying to feel of the other as much as possible.

"I don't know what I would do without you," he said, still hugging her.

"Me neither"

She replied. She wouldn't know what to do if her future was going to be without him. But this he didn't know.

They broke the hug and started talking for a little bit, she narrated him all the things she did and he couldn't help himself as she told him about her first treatment, specifically he laughed at where she had to treat her patient.

That was what she wants,
but the place and time were wrong:
cause as they laughed,
as the city in front of them burned,
the next step of their march of destruction was waiting for them

Carentan.