EASY WAY OUT ¹ ➢ spencer reid

XXXIII

Over the course of the next few weeks work started picking up. Like usual, Hotch paired Reid and I together for the majority of cases, which at first was a definitely a bit frustrating. Every time we were together I had felt like I had to fake my feelings, which somehow came easy to me. Maybe it was because I knew what was at stake or that nobody seemed to notice, either way, I managed to keep up the charade of mental stability. At least at work. Home however, was a whole other story. Every time I left work the pit in my stomach grew and the motivation to do even the littlest things were gone. Most nights I found myself ordering take out and staring mindlessly at the TV. Other times I'd just cry. When Issac stayed over I made a point of trying my best to appear normal, but even he could tell something was going on.

By the time September rolled around I was both physically and mentally exhausted. Apparently everyone could tell, because the second we got back to the office from our case in Memphis everyone was staring at me weird. I tried to ignore it, but eventually JJ pulled me into her office.

"Okay, you have got to figure this out." She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the closed door. "You're literally falling apart."

"I am not." I argued, rolling my eyes.

She gave me annoyed look. "Isla, you're seriously going to pretend like you're okay?"

"I am okay!"

"You're not though! I heard you crying in then bathroom on the plane."

I sighed, knowing my emotions were becoming increasingly harder to hide. For a while I was able to separate everything, but as time went on I could feel everything slowly flowing into each other, meshing into this chaotic ball of emotional discomfort. Work was no longer my fake happy place, which mean I couldn't pretend like things were perfectly okay anymore. I was breaking apart and people were starting to notice.

I ran my fingers through my hair, gripping my roots tightly as I closed my eyes and steadied my breathing. "It's just... he's so happy."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't," I responded sourly, "but if he's fine just being friends I don't want to ruin that. I like him JJ, but if he liked me back he would've said something by now." I could feel the threat of tears begin to erupt. I blinked a couple of times and rubbed my eyes aggressively, hoping I could put a stop to them. "I just, I-I don't want to lose him." Despite my efforts the tears fell anyway. I crossed my arms over my face, letting a couple sobs escape as JJ threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, burying my head in her shoulder as I cried.

I never realized how excruciating the pain of heartbreak could be. I remember when Issac's divorce got finalized. He didn't leave his room for days. I remember thinking how stupid he was for letting some woman control how he felt. At the time it didn't make sense to me at, but now I understood. Unrequited love was something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It was depressing and draining and basically overtook your entire brain. Not a single moment passed than Spencer Reid didn't cross my mind and it fucking sucked.

I calmed down after a bit, pulling myself away from JJ to wipe my face. She walked over to her desk and grabbed a tissue box. She handed it over with an apologetic smile. I quietly thanked her, taking a handful to wipe my face.

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

I shook my head. "I'll do it. This isn't high school." I chuckled slightly.

JJ cracked a small smile and rubbed my back. At that moment I realized how thankful I was to have met her. Not only was she the closest thing I had to a best friend, but she was also an amazing mother and a damn goof profiler.