Knife called lust (hollywood undead fanfic)

paradise lost

Elena's P.O.V

I wanted too die. death sounded like a great idea at this point.
I honestly just wanted too scream, the only thing keeping me sane was jorel. if he wasn't here I would probably have killed myself by now.

I didn't realize how hard I was crying until I heard jorel start whispering for me too calm down.
What if I didn't want too fucking calm down, I wasn't calm I didn't want too be. I wanted to punch something, I wanted too kill something.

"Lena, calm down please. you're ok now, it's just me here. you're fine you can stop crying its all over now." He squeezed his arms around me tighter.

"It's not okay, It will never be okay again!" I sniffled, more tears rolling down my face.

"Just calm down, you're going too hurt yourself if you keep crying like this." at this point I was gasping for air between each bout of tears.

"I'm just gonna take a shower." I wheezed, standing up and walking over too the bathroom.

"Lena, I'm gonna sit in there and talk too you I really don't like the thought of you being on your own right now." jorel stood up and followed me.

"But what if I want too be alone?" I snapped at him. I was angry but I was also devastated. I was an emotional bomb, ready too explode at any second.

"Look i just don't want too see you dead, I won't talk if you want ill just sit in the corner." he looked like he was about too cry.

"Whatever." I sighed and turned on the shower, and stepped in.

It felt good too stand in the warmth of the water just pretending for a second that everything was okay. but I knew it wasn't. soon I'd have too confront the guys, and my friends and tell them what happened. I knew I'd cry in front of them, I'd look weak, I'd look stupid and worthless.

"I'm sure you don't want too talk too me right now, but I just wanted too say; I love you, I wish I could change what happened too you, I wish I could go back in time. I would have never left."

My heart almost cracked in half. I realized I was probably being the biggest bitch too him a few minutes ago.
I switched off the shower and got out wrapping the towel around me.

"Jorel I'm sorry about how I was acting before. I know your just trying too help me." more tears came down my face. he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me resting, his head on my shoulder.
I felt him start too cry right along with me.

"I'm so sorry what happened too you Elena." he started too cry even harder then me.
"You saved me, now it's my turn." he whispered, his breathing still heavy from crying.

At this point I had no clue what too say. I wanted too sit here hugging him forever, wishing I could believe when he said everything would be okay.

"Hey you should get dressed, we don't even have too sleep tonight. we can just sit in bed and talk." he let go, his face red from tears.

I nodded and quickly changed into a baggy t shirt and Some pajama shorts.
I honestly didn't care that Jorel was watching.

"I love you so much." he smiled and hugged me again.
"I'm sorry too sound repetitive but, Im so sorry I didn't eat here in time. none of this shim have happened. I just feel so guilty." He pulled out of the hug and looked into my eyes, his gaze somber.

"I really don't even know what too say anymore." the back of my throat was dry, it almost hurt too speak.

"You don't even have too talk." He whispered putting his arms around me.
He slipped me off the ground, picking me up slowly and carrying me too the bed.

I laid down and he curled up next too me, pressing his body against mine. I rested my head on his chest.

"It's going too be okay. you can make it through this, you have me, the guys, kaila, and Abby. you can survive this."