okay quick authors note: if you really want to get in the feels for this one please listen to Broken by Isak Danielson. It hit really close to home.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
✧✧
"I don't know how but you look even worse than you did earlier." JJ jokes and I can immediately tell it's out of nervousness. "Gee thanks bud. Really appreciate the compliment there. Now can you help me off the floor please?" He starts to grab me around the waist but the second his fingertips graze my rib cage he lets go.
"Are you really just going to leave me sitting on this cold ass linoleum or what?" I glance up at him with a hint of annoyance palpable in my voice. He avoids my eyes, looking at the door instead and I can tell something is wrong.
"JJ?" I reach up to grab his hand but he pulls away almost immediately. "JJ what's wrong? Why won't you look at me?" I try to swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. JJ sighs, running his hands down his face before making eye contact with me.
"I don't know if I can do this anymore." I feel my heart drop to my stomach the second he finishes his sentence. "This as in our relationship or this as in raising a child with me?" I furrow my eyebrows as I use the countertop to aid me to a standing position. He doesn't speak for a second, his eyes shifting from my face down to my slightly stomach and I know my answer.
"Oh so you want out now?! Everything got a little too real for you so now you're just going to bail? You're just going to walk away and leave me to do this alone!" Tears start to prick my eyes but I brush them off almost immediately. He doesn't get to see me cry.
"It's not like that-" he takes a small step towards me and I stumble backward, bumping into the sink. "You know it's not like that. I just need a break to think about all of this shit okay. I mean so much has happened in the past year I just don't think I can deal with all of this too!" He gestures around me, letting out shaky breath and I see his eyes glaze over.
"If this is your way of telling me you want me to get an abortion then I need you to leave right now." I can't bring my eyes to look at him as I finish the sentence. "Li, just listen to me." His hand touches my chin lightly, lifting it up to see his green eyes shimmering.
"We're sixteen. You had to know that it was bound to come up sometime. I mean we're practically kids for Christ's sake. How the fuck do you think we would pay for everything we need. Daddy's money only goes so far." He spits, getting so close to me that it's starting to scare me.
"Fuck you JJ! God how was I so stupid to believe you changed for me? That you would ever stop being a self absorbed asshole who doesn't care about anything but himself. Fuck you for letting me think that I wasn't going to have to raise this baby alone but I guess that's how it works huh. Kooks and Pouges never last and we aren't any different." My voice is louder now, more confident than it has ever been before even though I feel like I'm crumbling inside.
"Fuck you for letting me fall in love with you and promising that you wouldn't leave. But that's what you do best so just go. Leave before I kill you and you know I will." My voice shattered the quiet palpable in the air, only the sound of our breaths in the air linger. "Li don't do this," his voice is soft this time that almost give in, fall right back into his arms but I don't.
"Don't! Don't do that!" My hands make contact with his chest before I can stop them, hitting him repeatedly as he stumbles backward. "Leave! Go! I don't need someone in my life who doesn't have my best interests in mind!" We're now close to the front door and I can start to feel my body shake. I don't know how much longer I can last.
"Li please!" His voice is desperate now and I can physically feel my heart break but I can't give up now, we're in too deep. "No, JJ! You made this decision not me! I'm not going to abort this child just because it's more convenient for you! I've lost too many people in my life and I don't think I can lose this baby too. As much as terrified I am you don't see me bailing."
"We made this child and they sure as hell deserve to be able to experience the world, even if you aren't in their life." Tears are now flowing down my cheeks and I curse myself. He tries to grab my shoulder but I just brush it off, opening the front door, not bothering to close it behind me.
"Li are you okay?" I hear Sarah say but her voice sounds distant compared to all the thoughts swirling around in my head. "Lilah can you just listen to me for a second!" JJ's voice echos behind me, pulling me too a complete halt. I turn around slowly to see him walking towards me and out of instinct I step backwards.
"I've already heard what you had to say. You don't want this life so here's your out. Now take it goddammit! You've already broke me enough today, I don't think I can handle any more before it's unfixable. So please," I bring my eyes to look up at him, my heart crumbling, "Please leave before you ruin me completely."
This time he doesn't try to take my hand or plead with me. He just glances at me with those hypnotic green eyes before spinning on his heal and waking away and I feel my heart break.
"Li what happened?" Sarah's voice is soft as she touches me shoulder, spinning me around and I finally let go. Sobs rack my body as I collapse into her chest, clawing for any comfort I can grasp.
He left me bare and broken and I don't even know if I can fix this. My soul has left me exposed with a thousand shattered pieces surrounding me and I'm drowning in them.
"He- he doesn't want it." I manage to get out in between breaths and her eyebrow furrow in confusion. "Doesn't want what? You're not making sense Del?" John B says from behind her, reminding me that he's still he.
"The baby, me, everything. He wanted an out so I gave him one." I whisper in a hushed tone, still letting the meaning of those words sink in. "Oh god Li. John B can you-" Sarah begins but John b cuts her off with a nod. "On it , you just take care of her, okay?"
"I'm sure that's not what he meant. He could have just needed time to process everything." She offers but I shake my head almost instantly. "You didn't hear what he said or see his face when he said it. He doesn't want this baby anymore but I do. He promised he w-wouldn't leave me but-" tears flow steadily down my cheeks as Sarah pulls me forward into her chest again, ruffling my hair and in that moment I'm greatful. I'm greatful to have someone like her in my corner, even though she isn't JJ.
✧✧
Hey you guys I've missed you so much. first I'd like to say that I am so thankful for all of the reads and votes it means so much to me. I'm sorry I've been gone so long but I've been going through it but it just means that much more that all of you are sticking by me. I hope you liked this chapter, or cried with or is fine. I'll see you guys soon
