Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 13

(Billie's Pov)

—Flashback—

I was in Trig's arms, her hand was stroking my scalp the way that easily relaxes me and her body was wrapped around mine

"what are you afraid off" i spoke

"me? afraid? wrong bitch" she laughed kissing my head "nothin scares me"

"that's such a lie you really gona sit here and tell me nothin scares you"

"yup what bout you then"

"the ocean"

"the fuck?" she laughed

"bro shut up you can't see if some shark comes towards you and listen yeah we've only explored like 8%! 8 fuckin percent I don't even want to think about what else could be hiding there"

"it's gona get you" she teased and tickled my side making me yelp

"sToP" i laughed

"there's actually one thing that scares me" she sighed

"mmm?"

"space" she cringed "don't laugh"

"i'm not, you like the opposite to claustrophobic?"

"no not that space i mean up there" she pointed up "we are literally some ball just spinning about in space fucking space, i hate it because it has the answers it's not going to give away"

"what answers" i whispered looking towards her

"does space end? think about it, it doesn't make sense space can't end because what do you mean? a wall? and it can't continue forever because what the fuck"

"what if it's like earth like a ball"

"then where the fuck is that ball"

"i- hmm you got a point"

"exactly it's some scary shit and ALIENS?? don't sit here and tell me that you honestly believe that earth is the only planet in the whole universe with life on it because if you do then you are more crazy than people who believe in aliens" she yelled

"aliens gona get you" i teased like she did to me

"NO" she screamed and I laughed

"i'll protect you from the aliens" i whispered

"and i'll protect you from the loch ness monster" she whisper giggled leaning in to kiss me

—End of Flashback—

"what are your fears" Trig broke the silence as we lay on her bed staring at the ceiling

"you not remember from last time?"

"of course I do you're shit scared of the ocean and what's in it, but what i'm asking is, have you gained any more fears in 2 years?" she twisted onto her side to face me

"mm yeah.." i sighed not looking at her "loosing people I care about... that's a big one, you?"

"surprisingly I gained two" she laughed turning back onto her back "one was meeting you, part of me didn't want it to happen... every day since I moved to LA i was scared I would bump into you"

"and your other?" i questioned

"getting caught..."

"from what?"

Trig sighed and turned back onto her side to face me and I did the same, her eyes started to shine as if she was about to start crying

"remember when I said I would be running the rest of my life?"

I hummed know response

"it came true... arshtar is hunting me which is why i'm moving"

"stay.." i whispered weakly. where the fuck did that come from

"i can't.. it's too dangerous you have a life to live, i'm not getting you hurt"

"leaving me would hurt" i started to cry. why the fuck am i crying

"so much for hating me" she teased and reached over to wipe my tears "you know deep down that this is the best option"

"what if they get you? what if you die how am i-"

"then it'll be just like before you need to move on"

"moving on seems harder to do when the one that you love moves faster than you" i rolled my eyes

"that sounds like a you problem"

"you really forgot about us didnt you" i shook my head in disbelief and got up from her bed only to be pinned against the door

"i remember every moment we shared, i remember every moment so vividly, i don't have to be you near you to hear your laugh, your voice, i don't have to be near you to smell you, i remember you taught me how to talk about my feelings and how loved you made me feel, i remember how we would fight about stupid things and i remember that it was never easy between us.. but that is only what made us stronger and on some nights, it was just eachother and that's all we had, Bil.. you have such a healing soul, i loved every moment we spent together and I still do"

"then stay, like you said it's never been easy but we had eachother so stay" i said as my voice started to break

"i'm scared" she admitted sheepishly

"i'll protect you, we have body guards" i whispered reassuring her

"that's not was i was talking about"

"then what were you" i frowned

"sooner or later i am going to disappoint you all over again"

"then we'll take it one step at a time" i grabbed her hand softly and she let go of the hold she had of me against the door

"one step at a time" she smiled