Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 16

2 and a half years ago

April ( the week after Prom)

I woke up late again today. It's been a reoccurrence since Brooks's prom plans were revealed.

 A week has passed or at least I think it has. It's all been such a blur. I can't fall asleep at night and I'm dead tired in the morning, I wake up late and throw on whatever jeans and sweatshirt are scattered on my floor, run my fingers through my hair and leave. I barely glance at myself in the mirror all that I'll see in my reflection are dark circles under my eyes and blotchy cheeks.

I go to school and keep my head down, doing everything I can to prevent myself from running into Brooks. I eat lunch in the library claiming to have extra homework this week and Quinn has checked in on me some days. She knows the reason I'm hiding away is to avoid him if that was even possible, everywhere I look I see him...literally, they have the prom king and queen posters plastered all over the walls, and guess whose face is front and center with a big crown upon his head. I sink further into the wooden chair as the sadness washes over me again.

He went to prom with Courtney and wasn't even going to tell me. Did he think I was stupid enough to never find out? I mean we go to the same school and I am his sister's best friend. 

Despite what he thought of me, I did feel stupid. I felt stupid for allowing all of this to go this far. I knew, in the end, it would be me on the losing end but I never expected the losing end to make me feel so insecure, so...not good enough. I don't know how my eyes could cry any more tears but I can feel them trying to force their way out. I squeeze my lids shut forcing them back down. I take a breath and poke at the food sitting on my tray as I try and focus on the novel for my book report.

 I can't though. Every time I try to focus all I see is the image of him and her, his black tux and silver tie, her perfect pink prom dress, and the big smile on his parent's faces as they stand next to them in the photo that his mom posted to her Facebook.

The tears tried to escape again, but thankfully I was pulled out of my thoughts as the lunch bell blared. 

 I walk out of the library and Brooks is standing there leaning up against the lockers outside the door. My throat clenches as I swallow down the emotions that want to erupt in me at the sight of him. My stomach sinks and my heart pulses. I try hard to make sure he can't see the distress I'm in so I avoid his eye contact and keep walking as quickly as I can. Unfortunately for me, his long legs can keep up pretty easily. 

"Sydney, you won't return any of my calls or text messages." He whispers, barely looking in my direction. I don't know if it's because he can't look me in the eye or if it's because he doesn't want any of the students in the hall to notice us talking. 

"I have nothing to say to you," not allowing any emotion into my voice.

"Please just hear me out. I can explain." He begs quietly from behind me.

Just as I reach the cafeteria Quinn approaches us, laces her arm in mine, and gives Brooks the dirtiest look her sweet face can muster. Man, I love my little guard dog.

Choosing to not make a scene he continues down the hall.

"You okay?" She asks me.

"No, but I had it coming. I knew this would happen at some point." I say, sadness evident in my voice. 

***
That night I lay across my bed still trying to make my way through To Kill a Mockingbird when my phone starts buzzing next to me. It's Brooks, of course, I know because it's a restricted number. He blocks the number every time he calls so it leaves no evidence behind, another trick we've used throughout this mess.