The Way This Feels

Chapter 24: Avalanche

I find myself in Grand Station General Hospital's Emergency Room. The nurse's smirk at me. They think I'm some guy so filled with testosterone, he can't control the terrible urge he has to punch plaster walls. I'm not that guy. I fume just thinking about what must be going on in their heads.

They stick me in a hospital bed with my hands propped up on a vinyl tray table, submerged in multiple bags of ice. A large man with a big round nose wearing a white coat asks me questions. The man, not the nose. "Did someone do this to you?"

"No." I grumble. Then he blathers on about people being in an "elevated state" and how that "needs to be monitored" for a few hours in case... I don't know, my head explodes or something. 

The doctor walks out of the room then. Possibly he thinks his presence is adding to my stress, or maybe he just really doesn't care.

My mom and I sit in silence. I want a soda, my mouth feels dry and gross from screaming and sobbing. In front of me, my injured hands are starting to go numb from the ice, which at least is better than throbbing.

"Will."

I purse my lips, and don't look at my mom. "...what happened?"

My heart pounds. The words flood my head like a tsunami, like an avalanche. But, very much like an avalanche, the huge snow chunks are so large, so threatening, there's no way I'd be able to move them, or convey them to her.

How would I tell her that a guy I was so desperatley in love with played me? Used me. Led me on when he had no intention to follow it through. How it broke me, tore me from my own reality, because I was so convinced...I believed in us more than I believed in anything else in the world? And then he set me up with Micah to take his place? That that's how we've come to know each other. How heavy that makes everything feel. Even though Micah tried to ceremonially cut Echo from the place in between us, but simply leaping into a pool doesn't change the fact that he's a mere remnant of Echo's betrayal?

How do I tell her that on top of all of this, Echo walked in on me and Micah... kissing , and I don't even know why we were doing it? How do I explain to her how sickened I am that I still have feelings for a guy who fooled me, lied to me, spent our whole friendship pretending to be someone he wasn't? And that I'm just as bad as him, because I'm kissing a guy who likes me, and at this point I know he likes me, it's ridiculous of me to deny that to myself, just for a distraction from the grief of it all? How do I explain that? When I don't even want her to know half of it.

"It's... it's kind of a long story..." I mutter.

"I want to hear it." She says firmly.

"I want a sprite." I tell my throbbing fists. My mom looks at me for a long moment, and then gets up.

"Be ready to tell me what's going on." She says very gently. As soon as she's out of the room, my phone lying next to me on the tray table buzzes. It's Micah. I see the message flash on the screen even though I'm unable to touch it, it leaves a burning sickness in my stomach.

Micah: Are you at home? I have your stuff here still.

And then.

Micah: Is everything ok?

I know he's trying to find a way he can see me. I know he's worrying. He feels guilty. That's something about Micah this day has at least revealed to me. He feels so guilty, so responsible for everything all the time. He tried to take the heat off of Echo today, and yeah part of it is him and his big fat Instagram's problem, but he didn't cause it. He didn't do anything or say anything to make people think they need to find me and break my bones. I think Echo did say something, maybe it was unintentional, but I think he said something to make himself not look as bad, and that's how I got here.