The Way This Feels

Chapter 27: Gold

Angel, Hannah, and Violet are lame. We sit in Violet's living room drinking water out of plastic bottles, her brothers fighting upstairs. They all stare at me like they've never met me before. Like I'm an alien that just descended from some unknown planet, they gape at me.

"So." Angel says airily. "You and Micah sleep together?"

Violet and I both nearly spit out our water as we were taking a sip at the same time.

"What the fuck?" I laugh. I laugh! God, I'm an idiot. 

"Well it's what we all want to know!"

"I definitely wasn't thinking that." Hannah says. Violet snorts.

"Ok fine, I'm the corrupt one. But you could answer the question anyway?" She asks.

"No."

"No you haven't slept together or no you won't answer." She demands.

"No as in no." I turn to Violet looking for a subject change, "Violet! How was work today?"

"Oh! Uh, fine?"

"Check out any good books to people?"

"Uh..."

"So do you find Micah attractive, or do you just like keeping him away from every other eligible guy in town...?" Angel asks loudly.

"Yeah, all two of us." I roll my eyes.

"You know as well as me that any guy would go gay for Micah. Any of them. Also, can we just acknowledge how fucked it is that it's YOU of all people he picked?"

"We're not even together," I snap, "What have you guys been up to? I feel like we've all been leagues away from each other lately." I say cheerily.

No one answers me. "So why can't Micah hang today?" Angel asks, "What's he doing? Or did you lie and say he's busy because it's too awkward for you two to look at each other now that you've slept together."

I swing my head around to look at her.

"You know, you're right about a lot things, but this is one of the few times you're absolutely wrong."

"Damn." she says, "I really wanted to know what s--"

"Zzziipppp!" I interrupt.

"WAIT!" Angel suddenly yells making everyone jump. "You said I'm right about.... did you just admit that I'm right about Micah being in love with you?"

Everyone stares. I sigh loudly, raking my hair back with my good hand. I feel the heat of anger I'd been trying to repress creeping up within me.

"FINE."

There's a long pause while everyone looks at me with huge eyes. I'm having an existential crisis. Why is it that every time I turn up to hang out, everyone only wants to talk about me? What is that? I have never, not once in my life, wanted to talk about myself. I think sometimes you manifest your own personal problems in life. A self fulfilling prophecy. I have never wanted to express emotions, so my aura just naturally attracts people who want desperately to hear all about them.

Their eyes are so pleading though, and my chest hurts so badly with what happened last night. The words flood to my lips.

"I'm upset with him because I suddenly realized that he's in love with EVERYONE on the damn planet. I mean he has a new crush Every Single Day. Every hour basically! So that's all I am! Just another nobody on his long list of brief love affairs..." It explodes out of me, sentences I barely knew lived there, they burst out and flood the room with their truth.