His Name: MERLIN

9: The Truth Will Set You Free...If You Accept It

I don't own Merlin, just a reminder.
Trigger warning for violence and depressive themes.

  For a couple seconds it's silent. I close my eyes and brace myself for whatever is coming. That's the funny thing about friendships and opening up to people, you hope they accept you, that they'll continue to be your friend, but you never know how they'll react. They could hug you and cry and tell you they appreciate you trusting them with your secret, or they could slam you into a wall and start screaming obscenities at you, kicking you as you try to shield yourself as your other friend tries to separate you both. One guess what happened to me.
  "Traitor, you traitorous sorcerer scum! You magic wielding bastard, how dare you. How dare you do this to me." Gwaine finally gets Arthur restrained after one last kick in my mouth. I spit out blood but didn't move yet. Not yet. After everything, he really did hate me. Sure, I expected it, but somewhere in me I hoped he would accept me with my magic. A door slams and Morgana rushes in looking excited. She looks over the scene briefly and raises an eyebrow at Arthur.
  "I'm gone a few minutes and this happens? I thought it was my job to torture Merlin," she teases maliciously, giving me a light kick in the side. I can't move, just making a whining sound as I try to block everything out. "Aw, not so tough now that your royal pain isn't on your side. What, didn't he know that you knew Emrys? How many times I've taken you to find information on our mutual friend?" She's absolutely giddy seeing us like this. Arthur is staring at me, hate and betrayal clear on his face, and I don't have the energy to even banter with her.
  "Well Merlin? Give me my information!" She claps, and the creepy guard and two others come in, pulling me to my feet. I can't be bothered to lift my head, let alone respond. I hear a furious hiss from her. "There, and get the whip again. It's Merlin's favorite toy I have." They shove me against the wall face-first this time, and shackle my hands so that they don't need to bother supporting my weight.
  "Merrrrrliiiin, one more chaaaaaance," she warns me in a singsong-y voice. I don't acknowledge her though, and am rewarded accordingly. The first few lashes I cry out, then it dies down to whimpers, then I'm silent. Everything is going dark, and this time I welcome it. I hear her berating someone for making me useless and then everything goes silent. 

  "-on Merlin. Come on. Come back to us. There you go, you've got it." I can hear Gwaine talking to me, but it seems distant. "Here, they gave us some bread and water. Drink this, it'll help you," he tells me, holding a wooden cup to my lips. I take a sip, and eventually become aware I'm still shackled to the wall. Arthur is on the other side of the cell giving me looks that could kill a man. I take another sip and look at Gwaine, worried I'll see the same anger in his face, but he just looks relieved.
  "What happened?" I croak, blinking as I try to focus. Arthur can hate me all he wants, but I still need to save him. I need to focus.
  "They left when you passed out," Gwaine explained, moving behind me to carefully clean my wounds with some of the water.
  "She'll be back soon to learn your secrets though, sorcerer," Arthur practically spat the sentence. Well look at that, I found a word with more venom than bastard.
  "Hey, ignore him mate," Gwaine tried to reassure me, patting my arm gently.
  "Warlock. If you want to hate me, at least know what you're hating," I said softly. I cringe when he stands up from leaning on the wall and moves closer; Gwaine moves a bit closer too, ready to protect me.
  "I suppose there's a big difference?" Arthur asks, voice dripping with sarcasm as he looks me over shaking his head.
  "Yes, actually. Warlocks are born with magic. Sorcerers need to learn spells. I was sending things flying around the house since I was born." I look over quickly to try to see how he takes that, but his cold stare gives away nothing. "My magic is part of who I am. I AM magic. It's not something I chose," I continue, wishing I didn't sound so desperate for him to understand.
  "Let's suppose that's true," Arthur waves a hand to dismiss it. "When you told us, you acted like I should know you did everything for me. What exactly have you done? What evils have you unleashed?" He moves closer but this time I don't flinch back. I just stare at him, wondering how someone could trust so completely one minute and hate so deeply the next.
  "You believe I'm evil." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. "You really think I'm a monster. A villain to be killed, burned at the stake, tortured." I turn so I'm facing the wall, and everything seems hollow. All I've done, all I've lost, all I accepted, all of it is worthless. How? The door slams in the distance and I hear the signature heels clicking on stone, but that doesn't really matter. I can hear Gwaine telling Arthur to stop being so blind and hateful, to stop being like his father, but that doesn't really matter. I hear the door unlock; my shackles are released and I collapse to my knees on the floor, but that doesn't really matter. I'm turned around roughly, and a knife is pressed against my throat, but that doesn't really matter.

                *Arthur's POV*
  I've never seen Merlin's face like this; so blank, so distant. He looks like the shell of who he was. Then again, who was he? You never can tell with magic users. I try not to flinch when a dagger is pressed to Merlin's throat. Morgana keeps asking who and where is Emrys, but Merlin doesn't even seem to hear her. He just looks...what's the word?
  "Well I don't know how you did it, but you broke Merlin." Morgana says, sounding impressed. Ah. Yeah, that's the word. Broken. "I've got to give you credit, in all the times I've taken him for our fun little adventures, and in all the times I've tortured-I mean played with him, I've never managed to break him. It's funny, he said it was because he believed in you and the king you are." She tilts her head at the bloody prisoner kneeling before her with lifeless eyes. "Looks like all it took was to break that belief!" I look at Merlin again, swallowing the guilt that tugs at me harder and harder as she continues. Merlin blinks a couple times before mumbling something so quietly I can't even understand it. "What was that?" Morgana asks, leaning forward to hear.
  "I said I will always believe in the king he is and will be." Merlin's face doesn't change, his expression doesn't falter, but I swear I can see tears in his eyes. He still believes in me? No, he can't. He must be lying! But why would he now? He could just give in now. He could make the torture stop, he could probably even negotiate for his freedom, but instead he- his freedom. I look quickly at the shackles. Merlin had freed us from our shackles, but he'd remained in them as he was flogged. I know he could've escaped at any time, but he didn't. He made sure Gwaine and I were free. Come to think of it, he ONLY stepped in with his magic when I was hit by that guard. He didn't use it to escape, or protect himself. I feel sick as I look at Merlin again, his words echoing in my head. "All I ever did was for you." Oh no. Ohhh no, no, no. What have I done?