Moments of Love

my caroline.

Okay, so I never do notes in my stuff on here because I want it it be as similar to a book you'd purchase in store as possible. However, I wanted to just say that I wrote the first three paragraphs of this one as part of an English assignment about my own life and it inspired a story so here ya go. Enjoy :)

Ever since I remember, I've always felt the need to be better. Not just better than others, better than myself. Such an intense urge to keep beating myself at the same game. At the same time, I have felt an urge to keep it quiet. To be perfect, but to stay silent about it. Because in my experience, being proud of yourself and showing that to others can come off as arrogant or narcissistic.

Eventually this role of silence becomes more of a disguise. And you realize that this entire time you've been trying to be better for others, you've been endangering yourself. You may be wondering, endangering yourself how? By staying silent? It's not the silence that is dangerous, it's what can be heard in the silence.

Thoughts I've never experienced or even considered stepped up to the front line. And of course you can ignore those for the most part if you have enough of a reason to. However, sometimes an event can overpower those reasons. And because of that event, that perfection that you've worked so hard towards becomes null. The reason behind that silence, that embarrassment or insecurity, there is no reason anymore. And suddenly, those thoughts that you could ignore, seem pretty welcoming.

So how is it that I am going to turn it around? Easy. She's coming back.

Who? You may be asking.

The love of my life. My best friend.

Caroline.

When we were little, she was the reason I ignored those thoughts. She was the reason I had to push past them. Then, the event. She left.

I know it's not her fault her mother got relocated. Of course, I know that. Doesn't mean it doesn't sting though.

So when she left, those thoughts I had ignored or pushed back, down, up and around all came falling back on top of me. And I was overwhelmed, obviously. And I found it calming to partake in certain activities that I'm sure Caroline would not approve of her best friend doing. But I told myself, 'Wes, pull on your big girl boots and get walking. Move on.' And so I did, because I thought she'd never come back.

But she's coming.

Why?

Because she missed me. That's why. Her words, not mine. I mean, imagine my surprise. Three, almost four, years without a word and suddenly I get a call saying she's coming back. Weird.

This is how I got here. A knock at my front door and a ball of anxiety resting in the pit of my stomach. I answer the door.

"Hello, my love!" Caroline shouts, throwing herself at me like nothing changed.

"Hey."

A few things I've noticed from these couple moments. First, she's lost a lot- and I mean a lot- of weight. Second, her normally pitch black hair has been dyed to a bright pink. And lastly, the ring on her left hand.

"Oh darling, how are you! I've missed you so much!" she shouts, inviting herself in.

Obviously, she's staying with me. I was hoping to rekindle whatever relationship we used to have but before any of that I need some more information on that damn ring.

"I'm fine. I've missed you to, Cari." I say in a much quieter voice.

"Oh, why so somber, love?"

"I just can't believe you're here. What happened? You look...different."

"Oh, I know isn't it great!"