Moments of Love

two hearts.

This one is a little different...

I was never prepared to fall in love. I was never briefed on how to break a heart. I was never taught that some day I might have to decide between my family and the "love of my life". But I suppose things don't always work out as planned. And sometimes that's better for everyone.

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Today is the day. I have to tell her.

Deep breath, "I can't be with you anymore"

She pauses, "What? Why? I can't imagine anything..Is it something i did?"

"NO No, god no. It's nothing you did, you are perfect!"

"So why?" She looks at me as if I'm stupid

"I..I'm...I'm gay"

"What? You you..you're gay?" Shocked.

"Yes. But that does not mean that I don't love you, because I do. I love you so much." I plead with her

"I can't even imagine-"

"You keep saying that you can't even imagine. Please, What do you imagine?" I ask

"I imagine you never felt anything at all, I imagine tens of times I've expressed my love and how I never realized you didn't feel the same, I imagine the stupidity that I should be feeling...I suppose I should be thanking you." She looks into my eyes.

"And why's that?" I furrow my brows.

"You've just freed me from something I could've never escaped" She looks away.

"You see but that's just the thing, I think we should stay together"

"What?! You just said that you don't love me." She yells.

"It isn't about love, it's about what's right"

"That isn't right! You think me denying you your true feelings is right?"

"I never said I thought it was right. It's not about what I think. Because what I think is that your too afraid to admit to yourself that you'll never find something perfect. That this may be as good as it gets" I'm trying to convince myself at this point.

"How do you expect me to look at you and feel love when the only thing you see in me is fear. I don't even expect you to remember my middle name and you expect me to stay with you just because someone thinks it's right...And what's worse is that you don't even think it's right."

"It's Eleanor,"

"What?"

"Your middle name, it's Eleanor."

"Do you think this is funny? You knew this would hurt me and you can't even stand to apologize. You knew this would hurt me and you waited so long to tell me. I can barely stand to talk to you about this right now and you expect me to just carry on with you knowing full well that neither of us is happy." She begins to tear up as she tells.

"It's what's right."

"Who is it right for! We aren't in the public eye, nobody knows us! This is about your parents isn't it, you don't want them to know you enjoy screwing men." She glares at me.

"Don't you dare bring my parents into this."

"Don't I dare?! Don't I dare! I never wanted this, I could've never predicted this. I'm not prepared."

"I'm not prepared either you know"

Silence.

"You know I won't stay with you, it's ridiculous."

"If I knew anything, I don't think we'd be having this conversation."

We didn't stay together.

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Today's the day. I have to tell him.

I look in his eyes, "I love you, sorry"

His eyes wides, and he sighs, "When did you...um.."

"Two months ago"

"Two months you've felt this way and didn't tell me. Did you think I would be mad?" He asks.

"Not necessarily mad but rather confused. I don't know. Maybe I was afraid. Maybe I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way."

"Well, I don't think I do" He looks sorry. Great.

"You don't?"

"No, I...I think I like women" He admits.

"Oh god...see I knew this was stupid! I knew and I still did it" I bite my lip to try and stop the tears.

"Hey hey stop! You aren't stupid. I do love you, you're my best friend but it's different. I don't know maybe I could feel it if you gave me time"

"No, you don't. I can't wait for you to change the way you feel just so that you won't hurt my feelings. You deserve to be with someone you love, not someone you pity."

"I could never pity you, there's nothing to pity. You're just a man who," he sighs, "who is honest with himself and those he loves. I could never pity you, I can't imagine feeling anything but respect for you"

We look at each other with tears in our eyes and quickly walk into a hug.

We never got together.

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I was never taught how to love or how to lose, but I think I've done a pretty good job.

I may not have gained relationships, but love stories aren't always about romance.

I had to break the heart of a girl I loved for several years and later admit to my best friend that I was in love with him.

I somehow managed to not lose either of them, and I think that's love.

Staying, when everyone else leaves.
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