Moments of Love

summer of angels.

I've decided I might make this a full length story. But here's the beginning. You can sort of see how I was having trouble making this short.

Sometimes we, as humans, overestimate ourselves. Whether it be in talent, success, school, love, anything where you are programmed to compete.

Since the age of fourteen, around the time I was told to get serious, I have been searching for meaning in my life. Not because I don't see value in living, I'm not depressed or anything, not at all. It's just that I always thought that I was going to become something great. Someone who's name you'd hear and be able to say "yeah, I've heard of them".

So, when that didn't happen, or I gave up trying to make it happen, I would decide that it wasn't worth it anyway.

It's especially difficult when everyday you hear about people your age accomplishing the things you've been working towards for ages. And so easily!

To see that and realize that there must be some reason you don't have the same things. Be it lack of talent, drive, intelligence, take your pick. It's disheartening, really.

So, no, I'm not depressed.

I'm lost.

_______________

I sit up with a jolt, the alarm blaring rock music to ensure I'll wake up on time.

I lay down for a minute, prolonging the inevitable. Swinging the covers over, I stand up and stretch, catching a glimpse of the unused guitar in the corner of my room, yet another failed hobby.

In the three months that I didn't have to wake up at an ungodly hour of the morning in order to go to a place that is essentially a prescription for a headache, I have given up on four hobbies.

Guitar, writing, drawing, and language.

Most of them attempts at kickstarting that "big break" I'm waiting for whilst not putting myself out there to achieve it. I can't even talk to people for god sake.

And now it's time to go back to the source of my unwillingness to live. High School.

Not to sound cliche or anything.

It's not that I don't want to live, I'm just not seeing a reason to, hence the hobbies.

My friend, Lark, suggests that my newest hobby be finding somebody to love.

I spit out my toothpaste.

I can't even handle myself and he wants me to handle someone else, sure. If anything my new hobby should be steering Lark away from his own stupidity. Or as he says, "being a fun hose" whatever that means.

I zone back in to what I'm doing. Pick an outfit. Nothing remarkable. Jeans. T-shirt. Sneakers. Done.

I'm in no rush, setting my alarm early as I expected to zone out, but I decided to leave anyway.

I have a small car from about four years ago. It gets the job done. Drivers Ed was an absolute bitch, though.

Walking into the building knowing it's my last year there is terrifying. Not because I want to be here, but because I don't want to be out there.

The thing about not knowing what you want to do with your life is that there is no moving forward. Life is then at a constant stationary position until someone rolls the dice and decides where you go. It doesn't have to be you.

Lots of people my age know where they're going. I see them in the halls.

There's Amie, she wants to be a teacher, history. Mark, biochemical engineering. Onyx, pilot. Sebastian, oncologist.

And me, Summer Winters, clueless.

Please, laugh now. I don't know which of my parents thought it would be a good idea to name their son Summer knowing full well their surname was Winters, but I'd like a word with them.

Yes, I got teased for it but they stopped when they realized I don't react to it. Guess it bored them.

Much like AP Gov bores me. Goodbye next fifty five minutes of my life.

_______________

There's a new kid in school. Everyone is talking about him. I guess he's cool or something.

From what I've heard in the hallways his name is Angel Walker and he moved from North Carolina. Yeah, he must be so cool.

It seems the next class to endure is pre calculus. Kill me.

I sit down at the cramped table and spread my stuff out. If I'm going to even come near passing this course, I'm going to need space. The teacher silences the class, or attempts to, and begins roll call.

Just as she begins, as small boy rushes into the room, looking extremely out of breath. She turns to glare at him.

"And who might you be?" She asks accusingly.

"Um...Angel Walker, ma'am" he stutters with his head down, a blush creeping up his neck.

"Alright, you're late, don't let it happen again. Go sit next to Summer - Summer raise your hand." She instructs him as I wave my hand a bit.

Of course. Next to me.

He blushed and rushes over. So this is Angel. Definitely not cool.

Now listen, I'm not a big guy by any means, probably reaching 5'11 at most, but this has to be one of the smallest guys I've ever seen that wasn't a child. He has to be 5'4 at most.

He has curly red hair with some bangs coming down on his forehead, almost covering his eyes which I could now see are a deep brown. He also has freckles across his nose and cheeks, likely from the sun. He has a slender build, sort of lean, he probably runs or swims. Overall, he's...cute.

He stumbles into his seat. I turn to him.

"Hi. I'm Summer." I grin slightly and put my hand out for him to shake. He flushes - he does that a lot - and takes my hand.

"Angel. Nice to meet you." He says so quietly I almost can't hear him.

"If you need any help finding your way around, I'd be happy to assist you." Assist you? Gross.

"Thanks a lot. It's pretty easy to get lost. I'll take you up on that offer if you don't mind." He looks like he really needs help. Sweet.

"Of course. You seem nice, I wouldn't mind seeing you around more."

The red face as a reply told me he agreed.

Maybe I won't give up on this one.

______________

And so that was how we started.

I led him around and eventually he stuck to me. He's insanely shy. And cute.

Eventually I noticed that he pretty obviously had a crush on me. Eventually I also noticed I was thinking less and less about how dissatisfied I was with life. It was less boring now.

Then one day when we were finishing homework in my room Angel leaned over and kissed me. Very sudden. But very welcome.

I returned the kiss. Obviously. And that was it.

We went on a couple dates before I asked him to be my boyfriend and he accepted. Obviously.

We've been together for three months now.

I didn't give up on this one. I never will.

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