*Slow updates*
After agreeing to be the focus of a college article,
senior Charlie Murtaugh gets more than he bargains for when he's assigned a clueless sophomore who knows nothing about the sport.
...
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Of course, my first thought is to call bullshit because beautiful isn't a word I'd use to describe myself. And of course, hearing it from family members or friend does not count. As much as I think that my friends are God's gift on earth, I can't say the same about myself. Neither do I believe it when they call me beautiful.
So it is not shocking that the first thing that springs to my mind as I stare at Charlie is liar. I suppose, I should be glad that the one person who has seen me in all that I am-at my most vulnerable state, naked and undone, is saying that he found me beautiful long before the lust and passion came into it. But insecurities are a bitch that have sunk their claws deep into skin, prickling at my bones. Taunting me.
"You do not have to lie to me out of some misguided responsibility because we had sex Charlie." I say jokingly but I'm looking everywhere but at him feeling ashamed because I mean it. Especially since the only times Ive ever felt even an inch close to beautiful was with him.
My eyes flick to his face long enough to catch the look of confusion-no, hurt. It was hurt. And It made my belly squirm in an uncomfortable way. And just like that the conversation turned sour and only one thing ringed in my head.
I shouldn't have said that.
****
Soon enough, we were pulling up in front of my complex as the sun was setting. Charlie is still sour-thanks to me. Although he tried his best to engage in polite conversation, I could tell he wasn't that into it. Every time he nodded instead of saying something, it drove a knife farther into my heart.
Can I blame him?
I'm the one who put my foot in my mouth.
I was unsure of how to dissect the situation but I also knew I had let him know I didn't mean what I said before we part ways. Are we even parting ways? He did say 'again' but did he mean today or tomorrow. I don't know. Do I invite him upstairs or do I just say goodnight?
God, all these questions.
"Lor?"
"Yeah?" Charlie who's now parked in front of my complex looks at me worriedly.
"Are you okay?"
"Wow, I just realised that that is the longest sentence you've said to me in the last hour." I point out blithely, "yes, I'm fine. Thank you-" I look out the window. "I guess this is me." Duh. I turn back to him, suddenly wishing I wasn't home yet. I didn't want to leave. Not yet. "Well, um, thank you for the food...I'll see you when you decide you want to talk to me or maybe have sex with me again. Whenever that may-"
I'm shut up by our second kiss of the day-not that I'm counting. This kiss is a bit more urgent than the last. a bit more punishing. A bit more wicked. But I accept it nonetheless. I had no idea how much I've wanted to feel Charlie's mouth on mine until now. I waste no time in opening up for him, allowing the sweet taste of him invade my mouth. I didn't think being dizzy whilst seated was possible. But I swear to God, it feels like my head is spinning in an uncontrollable circle.
