"Lies, that's all I could ever give you. I know apologizing won't do justice to the amount of pain I have caused you. I am not seeking for it either because I know I don't deserve it. I am leaving. I promise to never come back between you and your choices, unless you ask me to.
Now, coming straight to the point as to why I even wrote this letter. The answer is, before leaving, I just wanted to be honest to you for once at least.
I don't regret stabbing Dev, Teressa. Yes, I would never want him dead but if getting you all to myself actually meant stabbing him, I would happily do that again, no matter the consequences and trust me Dev would do the same. You trigger something inside both of us, something sinfully beautiful. Something that draws both of us towards you like a moth to a flame. I have seen the same amount of frenzy in his eyes, the frenzy that made me do this mess. The mere difference is that you chose him everytime over me, and his craving for you was kept under check, mine was not. So beware of him too. He is just me in different clothes.
Be wise,
Ritwik.
P.S- The only truth I could always manage to tell you.... I love you Teressa. I'll always do, no matter how pathetic my life turns out to be. "
Folding the letter, Teressa placed it on the bed side table. She took a deep breath before getting out of the artificial comfort of the blanket. Her legs involuntarily dragged her towards the balcony that overlooked the woods. The cold breeze hit her face, ruffling her curls. She pulled up the hoodie over her head.
Her foot felt the very know wet tingley sensation and she knew who this might be. She turned around and kneeled infront of Bruno who was incessantly shaking his tail.
"This used to be my home Bruno. My name was Ambika. Can you believe this? No?" She asks Bruno as if he can actually answer her back. Wrapping her hands around his tiny body she brought him closer to her body as she stood up and turned around towards the woods again.
"Trust me, I still can't believe it. How my life got intertwined with so many people? Dev, Ritwik, Arjun and even Manik. Turns out I have just been a useless burden that fell on their shoulders from outside, forcing them to break out of their usual lifestyle. I feel responsible. I feel ashamed, that I couldn't trust Dev, but that's the only thing he needed everytime. That's what he has ever wanted. I am a failure in everything. I pulled the brothers apart, I made them hate each other to the extent where they won't even regret killing each other." She sarcastically chuckles to herself, her pained eyes barely held back the tears.
"Why did I ever come here? To ruin a happy family? To see Dev, out of all people, die infront of my eyes? Do I even deserve his love anymore, after how I failed to trust him everytime? I know the answer Bruno, it's a big no!" She sobs.
"The man who did so much for us, got nothing in return. I took away everything from him." She wiped her eyes while releasing a sigh.
"But, not anymore. It's time to leave Bruno. It's time to end all of this. I can't risk his life again. The mere thought shakes me to the core. He deserves to live a peaceful and safe life. A life where no one will stab him for me, where no one will 'crave' for me, where no one will see each others as competitions." She glanced at the wood for one more time before turning around to leave. Slowly she walked towards the unconscious figure of her aunt. Placing Bruno on the floor she took a seat beside her.
"I am so sorry aunt. I never wanted to leave you like this but I am left with no other options. I love that guy. The guy who almost died for me. The guy who can lose so much more in the coming days if I stay back. God, I love him so much!" She cried, clenching her eyes.
"So, here I am, taking this hard decision of leaving everyone and everything behind. I know you needed me here, but trust me, I know Arjun and Dev will always take care of you. I am leaving back my every bit of savings for you aunt. They will get that. It's just I can't stay here anymore. I can't throw them towards more dangerous situations. Please know that I love you. I'll always do." Saying so she stood up. Wiping her tears she grabbed the already packed backpack. Then she picked up Bruno in her arms, holding him close to her chest she turned around to give one glance to the room that turned into her home within these months. Stifling another inevitable sob she turned back to the door without glancing again.
¤¤¤¤¤
She knew where she was going. She had someone else whom she needed to meet before leaving for good. The now known woods, the trees and the torch light led her to the temple. The sound of the waterfall reached her ears as she kept advancing towards the temple. Something about this temple had a very soothing effect on her. Placing the bag against one of the pillar she moved towards the Shiv linga. The cherry red hoodie and the blue jeans she was wearing did nothing to keep her protected from the increasing coldness in the weather.
The closer she got the heavier her heart became. The tears kept flowing freely. She kneeled down infront of the linga looking at it through her teary eyes. Her right hand automatically extended itself towards the linga as her lips began to tremble.
"W-why didn't you save him back then? Why couldn't you show me how biased I was getting? Why couldn't you save any of us?! Where were you?!" She shouted while crying her heart out.
"I worshipped you with all my heart. I loved you, I trusted on you. Then why Shiva? Why did you watch everything sitting here idly? Why couldn't you save us?!" Her pained voice screamed.
"I loved him....I love him.... You knew I did. Why can't I get the slightest bit of happiness? What curse is this? Why did you even bring me here at the first place?!" She wiped her tears.
"Fine then. Be happy. I am leaving. Leaving everything, everyone. Leaving Dev, leaving you!" Her voice suddenly changed to anger.
"That's what you have always wanted. That's what you have always planned." Saying so she stood up and folded her hands infront of the Shiv linga.
"No matter how bad you treat me, I can't do the same to you. You were my God, you'll remain so, till I die." Sniffling, she picked Bruno up and turned around. She went to the pillar where her backpack was placed. She pulled it on her back and then closing her eyes released a deep breath. As she finally prepared herself to leave, her whole body stiffened.
"Going somewhere?" The husky voice she could identify from anywhere, uttered from behind her.
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