They Know The End

Matt

7:36 am

I woke up, as if it was a normal day. Then everything from last night hit me, and now my eyelids were drooping when I went downstairs for breakfast.

As usual, my dad was the only one there. My mom probably had another emergency case or a night shift, or something.

Luckily, my dad knew how to run things around the house. And that included knowing how to cook. He settled for fried fish for breakfast.

I looked around the house and it was quiet, save for the sizzling from the fish. It was weird to think that it was lively a few hours ago.

It was also weird to think that the silence was because of what happening to me.

It was still all so weird and a million other feelings. I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Why? Why did it have to be me first?

My dad placed the plate of fried fish on the table, the sound bringing me back to reality. "Do you want some soy sauce?"

"With vinegar, yeah," I replied, mustering a small smile.

He quickly turned away. As he prepared them, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside his head. He was pretty down, I was sure.

He gave me a saucer with the sauce. He sat down with me as we prayed on the table and then when I struck the rice when its serving spoon. I took out two chunks of rice and took a slice of fish.

He watched me eat with no expression in his face. Then, he cleared his throat. "Diba you're going to meet someone at SM Seaside?"

"My Last Friend, yeah." Oh shoot, I thought. That reminds me.

"Are you sure you don't want to spend it with us? With your parents? Instead of some. . .stranger you met in the Internet?"

Now I understood the silence. It was because my parents were hurt.

"I. . .yeah," I stammered.

"How long will you be hanging out?"

I gave it some caredul thought. It was less about deciding and more about deciding how to say it.

I just nodded.

"Well. . ." His voice trailed off. "Then, you should. . .pack your things."

My voice constricted. "You're kicking me out of the house?"

"No! I meant extra t-shirts, some water, and some. . .you know, the usual."

"Oh," I muttered. "Yeah. I will."

I finished the rest of my food, before returning upstairs to pack all the things I needed. I packed some extra clothes just in case of an emergency, towel for the heat, power bank and charger for the phone, some pocket books for when I would be bored--though I doubt it would happen, and some money because if I wanted to go somewhere, I definitely needed some money.

All that I packed into the same backpack I used for school.

Then, I took a bath.

For a few minutes, I let the water course on my body. I sucked in a breath just to enjoy the little moment.

I remembered how every day I would talk to myself in the shower, mapping out everything I needed to do. I would bring my phone in to play music and sing along. I would talk to the walls about my deepest secrets, my greatest fears.

I ran my hands on the solid flat stomach I had from exercising. Then on my muscles.

I was going to lose everything I stood for and everything I had achieved.

I was going to lose my future.

The thoughts alone were enough to break down the walls in my heart and well up tears.

And when they fell, the tears mixed with the water, going into the drain. Long lost. Long forgotten.

Someday, I thought. I would be forgotten from the face of the earth.

-

I looked at the mirror, after changing into the same black hoodie from last night, some shorts, and some sneakers. I figured I'd go laid-back for today.

My eyes were still puffy from crying in the bathroom. I blinked several times and rubbed them just to make them go away.

I looked at my now-cleaned bed and my backpack sitting on it. Then, I looked around the room, the rest of it in the same state as it was last night.

It's almost a shame to go.

I steeled my nerves and picked up the backpack. As I made my way to the door, I took one last good look at my room.

"Goodbye," I said, before opening the door and closing it behind me.

-

"You ready?" my dad asked. He seemed relatively better and calmer compared to last time.

I managed a small smile. "Yeah."

I followed my dad to the car, which was, for some reason, parked in front of the house.

"Didn't Mom take the car?" I asked him.

"No she didn't. She said that she was riding with someone else to the hospital last night."

"Oh."

I got in the back of the car and placed my backpack beside me. My dad turned the key and the car roared to life. He took it around the neighborhood, taking the long road to the only entrance and exit of the subdivision.

As I passed by each house, I couldn't help but feel a bit of regret. These were my family too, until I left them. Even if I wasn't close with them, I thought that maybe at least one person--aside from Sasha--would miss me.

My brows furrowed. Sasha. . .

I looked at the ceiling of the car. On another island, they were celebrating the time of their lives. One of their family members just got a scholarship grant abroad. For every Filipino, that was a dream.

She said that she was planning on telling me last night.

I bit my lip and clenched my fist. Then why did she not say anything sooner? I knew it was just a ploy to make me feel less mad.

I knew that she wasn't my true friend. No one was. They would all betray me someday, just like the entire neighborhood.

For some reason, I breathed a sigh of relief when we left the subdvision. I watched the guard scribble something in his record on the lectern before they disappeared from my view.

I took out my phone and sent a message to Russell.

-

Matthew P. (8:52 a.m.): gm u there?

Matthew P. (8:52 a.m.): just wanted u to know that i'm omw

Matthew P. (8:52 a.m.): see u soon

-

I took one good look at the message before closing the app. Weird that Russell isn't replying. Maybe he got held up?

But I just sighed. Nah.

When we'll get to the mall, we'll see.