Through sickness and in health

9

Sunday 10:03am

"A brain tumour?" Melissa almost sounded like the lifeless. Doctor Harrison nodded his head, trying to console Melissa whilst she broke down. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my cheeks as it repeated in my head.

A brain tumour

He has a brain tumour

My boyfriend has a brain tumour

I look over to Jason seeing him sat in his bed. Awake now, his whole body is tense as he sits still. So still, like if he moves the world will fall apart. I'm scared to talk to him. I don't know what he needs right now. I want to know what's going through his head, fuck I can't begin to imagine what he's thinking.

"Do you have any questions?" Dr Harrison says looking at Jay. When he doesn't answer he turns to Melissa which she nods and they walk out of the room into the hallway. But I only hear more cries from there. Her cries get louder and I can't help but to feel even worse for jay. Hearing his mom cry, but yet she's not even consoling him.

I look over to Jason seeing the Color has now drained from his face. But he still stares at that one spot on the wall. I'm about to open my mouth to say something but I quickly close it shut when he slaps a hand over his mouth, looking for somewhere to run. But he can't as he has an iv in his arm and he will rip it out. His eyes start to water as he sits up straight fighting the urge to puke. The nurse who had been taking his blood pressure and checking his vitals grabs him a sick bucket which he quickly grabs from her. His body shakes as he finally lets go.

I walk over to the bed wiping my tears as I rub his back, I can't help the gasp that escapes my lips when I see it.
"Blood" is all I'm able to say as the tears start falling again. Blood sits on his lips and in the sick bucket. He just threw up blood. As if on cue the doctor walks in, the nurse whispers to him and he walks over to Jay.

"You don't seem surprised" dr Harrison says. I look at jay, he's staring at the tissue he's holding that the nurse gave him to wipe his mouth that now has blood on it. His face is emotionless as he just stares confused but not at all surprised.
"This has happened before?" He asks Jay. He squeezes his eyes shut and pressed his lips together as he gives a tight nod. Jason hasn't said a word since he woke up. He hasn't said a word since he found out the news and I'm almost afraid of what his first words will be. It's like he's afraid to talk. He looks up at his mom and even I can see the disappointment in her eyes. The question lingering on her lips. Why didn't he say anything?

"You should've told us" is all she says before she walks out the room. Leaving her son who just found out he has a brain tumour and needs brain surgery to remove it.

"Can you explain the surgery?" Jay says, his voice is hoarse as he sits up letting the nurse take his sick bowl and give him a new one. The doctor nods walking to the computer and showing the screen of Jason's tests from last night with the image of his brain and a small grey circle where the tumour sits.

"We will start by shaving your head. We won't need to shave it all just a small patch. Then we will cut your skull open and take out the tumour. We will close up your head with small metal plates, it will leave a scar probably looking like a horseshoe but it won't be very big. After the surgery we will biopsy the tumour and see if it's cancerous" he says. The whole time I didn't take my eyes off Jason and he looks to have stopped breathing. But he just nods his head slowly like he's a robot.

"What if it is cancerous?" He asks looking at the doctor again.
"Then we will start you on chemo. You can take it here or you can take it in pill form but we will discuss that if it comes to that. After chemo comes radiation. Don't get ahead of yourself here Jason we don't know that it is cancerous, your young and your strong, your extremely athletic meaning you have a strong immune system" dr Harrison says patting Jason's shoulder. He nods giving the doctor a small smile.
"If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask" he says then walks out.

He could have cancer

My boyfriend has a brain tumour

My boyfriend needs brain surgery

"Where's will?" Jay asks looking at me now. I see his glossy eyes but he doesn't let himself cry over it. Jason has always put on a brave face even when he doesn't need to, that's something I admire about him for being able to do but I also hate the fact that he feels he has to.
"He went home early this morning. You had your tests done late last night and passed out after they gave you medicine in your iv to help you sleep. You were exhausted and you needed sleep so they thought it was best" I say walking over to the side of his bed.
"You don't need to cry" he smiles kissing my hand. But I can't help the tears that just continue to fall. He smiles pulling me onto the bed and shifting over a little. My body shakes with sobs as I bury my face in his chest.

"But don't you ever think it's not okay to cry" he whispers
"Especially around me. Don't you ever...ever hide your emotions from me you hear me lex?" He says lifting my head from his chest. Each hand is on my cheeks as he looks me in the eyes. I nod my head squeezing my eyes shut as he holds me close again and squeezes me.
"Your not scared?" I whisper, his chest shakes with a quiet, sad laugh. But he doesn't answer me. And that's enough to tell me the answer.

*~*
Monday

"So when will the surgery happen?" Melissa asks. I lie in jays bed as he lies in between my legs. The past two days I haven't left Jason's side, it's Monday meaning I missed school which also means I have to go into school tomorrow. I can't bare to think of being without Jason right now. All I want to do is be with him. But I don't think he's mad about it. His moms pretty pissed he didn't tell her about him throwing up blood and passing out before, I think she's more in shock at the fact her son has a brain tumour than anything. She hasn't left the room very much either. I can see the ache in Jason's eyes like he's practically begging for her to leave. For him to be able to finally breathe. She thinks she's helping by being here but I think it's just stressing him out more.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Melissa asks looking at me and jay.
"I got pancakes early this morning but thank you" I smile
"Jason?" She asks, he shakes his head at her as he yawns. He hasn't gotten anymore sleep since they had to give him medicine so he could sleep.
"Babe you should eat something" I whisper placing a kiss on his forehead.
"Yogurt" he mumbles. I feel like I can breath more because at least he's trying now.
"Fruit" he adds. Melissa laughs nodding her head. Jason's always loved his fruit and yogurt bowls.

"When did the doctor say I can leave?" Jay sighs.
"Tomorrow morning 11am. Just like it was the last time you asked thirty minutes ago" I laugh running my fingers through his hair.
"Will you be here?" He asks tiredly
"I have to go to school tomorrow babe I've already missed today" I sigh. I can see the disappointment in his eyes but he nods kissing my hand.
"How's max?" He asks. A smile blooms on my face thinking about max.
"I checked on him this morning. He misses you. I walked in this morning, he sat in front of the door waiting for you to walk in then looked so sad when I closed the door and you hadn't walked in" I laugh
"That dog really loves you"
"Well yeah I've had him since I was 14" Jason smiles

"I remember the day we got him. We went to a private breeder. All the dogs were all over me, it freaked me out. Then as we were leaving there he was, sitting by the gate he managed to escape the place they were keeping him. I picked him up and he licked my face" he laughs at the memory.
"They said he was trouble. He wouldn't stop pissing wherever he went, he refused to eat unless he was hand fed. But as soon as we took him home he changed. They were probably speaking bullshit looking back at it now. Probably trying to keep the best one for themselves" he shrugs
"It was fate that we got him" he smiles