Through sickness and in health

18

Monday

"Nice to see you again Miss Parker" mr Anderson says. I give him a small smile trying to keep my head down as I walk to the back of the class. I didn't want to come to school today but I needed a distraction, it's monday meaning I had the whole ass weekend to cry and wallow in self pity. I'm just praying no one asks about him today, even hearing his name makes me want to cry.

Was it the brain tumour that made him love me?

Why did he break up with me?

Is he mad I didn't tell him about his dad?

So many questions flood through my mind, I can't help it. He broke up with me, dumped me. And all he said was that he needed some time to figure stuff out and insulted himself.

Is there something he isn't telling me? Because there's a lot I've found out later on than he did.

"Lexie" a voice behind me snaps me back but when I realise who's voice it belongs to I wish I had never heard it.
"Yo Lexie Cmon" you've got to be shitting me
"Lexie it's Kai come on talk to us" all three of them, sitting behind me. He probably told them I broke up with him so they came to yell at me.
I hear Kai whisper something to Will and cooper then a chair screech as it drags across the floor. Next thing I know Kai is sitting next to me staring at me.

"He went home yesterday morning" he whispers, he was smart and brought his pen and paper so it looks like he's doing work. I wish mr Robbins would come over and catch him but I also want to hear this.
"We spent the whole day with him but he wasn't himself"
"He just had surgery he's in a lot of pain" I mumble, my mouth started speaking before my head could catch up and now I regret it.

"They put him back on his antidepressants, which means his pain medication is a small amount so they won't interfere with each other. Sure hes in pain but we all know Jason. He's not a pussy, hell he's probably the strongest guy I know. You saw him on Tuesday right?" I can't do anything but nod I'm afraid I'm going to start crying again and that's the last thing I want to do at school.

"He spent the whole of last week walking around, catching a ball, throwing a ball. He's a determined maniac who doesn't know when to rest even when his whole body is telling him to" I see in the corner of my eye as Kai drops his head, I know there's more to this but I'm not sure Kai can say it.
"What happened?" I turn around to Will and cooper, even cooper looks sad.
"He collapsed on Friday, full on pass out. He didn't hit his head too bad luckily" cooper says
"Then why did he go home yesterday. It's Monday today meaning he went home on Sunday, if he collapsed why did they only keep him for another day?"

"He was high on morphine so they could get him to sleep. He hadn't slept much at all since you left, he's had two more panic attacks since you left and it was harder to calm him down than the first time. His dad also came back" will says, I still don't see the point in this conversation.
"Dudes funny as fuck on morphine. But he's also all lovely dovey. He wouldn't stop going on about you. Beautiful blonde hair, with the best laugh and his favourite smile. He said he wanted to marry you someday and he couldn't wait to have your kids. He said he wants-"
"Two kids. A boy and a girl. The boy slightly older, back to back pregnancy if I'm okay with it, so they can be super close in age and be bestfriends growing up" I finish for cooper, a smile blooms on all the guys faces.

"He misses you Lexie. He regrets saying that to you. It was the heat of the moment, he's been stressed as hell and he took it out on you"
"Lexie your crying" Kai whisper laughs
"I-I can't do this right now" I quickly grab my bag stuffing my notebook and stuff in there before running out. Kai doesn't stop me as I pass his chair, that's why I've always liked Kai. Mr Anderson shouts after me but it's all a blur. I should've waited to come in, I should've known the guys would target me.

I round the corner to the exit, but before I can comprehend what's happening I slam into a chest.
"Fuck I'm so-I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have sworn I know the rules. I-I'm not ditching class I-" my ramblings is cut off when a pair of strong arms wrap around me. It doesn't take me long to recognise the person holding me. I melt into his touch, breaking in his arms. I start crying, loud and ugly into his shoulder as he holds me.

"I'm sorry baby" he whispers rubbing my back
"I'm so sorry" we stand in silence as I calm myself in his arms. He never loosens his grip and never let's go of me, he holds me and soothes me until I'm ready to pull away.

"How are you here? You should be on bed rest. You-" I pull away feeling so much confusion, I'm not angry I'm not sad I'm insanely confused.
"Moms in the car. I'm not cleared for school, yes I'm supposed to be on bed rest, yes I shouldn't be here. I'm here for you. Lex I'm sorry. I said I needed time, I thought I did. But I then realised I was just pushing you away because I'm embarrassed"he sighs. He says it like it pains him to admit how he's feeling.
"Why?" I question, so many thoughts are running through my head it hurts but I'm just confused.
"I went from being the star pitcher, I could run easily, I was in great shape, and my life finally felt like it was going somewhere. Then I get diagnosed with a brain I'm tumour and I suddenly can't even stand up and hold my own weight" I see how his eyes are glossy, how his body is shaking, he's supposed to be on bed rest he's pushing himself again but  I don't care in the moment. I walk back to him hugging him again, my arms wrap around his neck as his warp around my waist and our lips connect. When we finally break away I rest my forehead against his.

"I missed you, I'm so fucking sorry" he whispers
"I want you to go back to your therapist" I whisper, it's definitely not what he was expecting but I needed to tell him.
"The guys told me you haven't been yourself. You've had two more panic attacks which makes three panic attacks in a week. Jason your life has been turned upside down I get it but you need someone to speak to. Cutting off your pain medication to go on your antidepressants is a way but it's not the healthiest" he stares at me stunned for a second then nods. We both know I'm right, everyone wants him to go back to therapy which he stopped going to a few weeks ago without telling anyone.

"When is your sister leaving I hope I didn't miss her" I say, he breaks away laughing.
"What? I love your sister. And ivy, what a sweetheart" I smile
"They're staying for another week, you didn't miss them. Although ivy has replaced you" he laughs. I hadn't realised until now that Jason's wearing a beanie. He looks adorable, black sweatpants with a white sweatshirt and white beanie.
"What's this" I smile pointing to the beanie. His face seems to drop a little bit. I can tell he's not very happy about the missing hair.
"I hated the bandage. The doctor was right it does look like a horseshoe, it's ugly as hell" I reach up lifting the top of his beanie seeing him hesitate.
"Can I see it?" He hesitantly nods pulling off his hood and slowly pulling the beanie off. His head is stapled in the shape of a horseshoe. It looks to be healing really well. I hear an intake of breath and realise I've been staring.
"It looks good. It looks to be healing great actually. Your hair looks good they only shaved a little bit" I say trying to calm his nerves. I can tell this is something he's not a fan off and probably insecure about. he doesn't hesitate to take the beanie back and put it on. I can tell this is becoming something he is a little bit insecure about.
"Yeah. Other than my hair is a greasy bombshell" he sighs
"We tried to wash it but I can't wash it, my mom was at work and the guys are too scared" he laughs
"What about Jessica?"
"Doesn't want me to murder her if it hurts" he mumbles. I laugh smiling, sounds like something he'd do.
"Am I really that scary?" He asks, I meet his hazel eyes seeing emotion in them for the first time in a while.
"Intimidating sure. Your not scary, ivy loves you she's not scared of you. Your just very...capable"
I see a his face drop whilst he contemplates if that's a good or bad thing.
"I'll do it. I'll be gentle I promise. Remember when you broke your ankle and you couldn't stand long enough? I did it for you then"
"You also told me you were using dry shampoo whatever the fuck that is and ended up spraying my entire head pink" he laughs
"That's what you get on April fools!" I laugh

"I love you" he smiles moving back to me and kissing me.
"I love you too..."

"If you break up with me again I will make it painful" I whisper
"For one I never broke up with you. I asked for a break, but I quickly realised it was a mistake" he says looking up at me with puppy eyes.
"You basically broke up with me" i murmur
"I didn't use the words though" he argues softly
"It still felt like you did" I sigh blinking away the tears
"I'm sorry" he sighs
"I know" I mumble. When we meet eyes I smile at him and kiss him. I know he feels guilty and he should but I understand the weight he has on his shoulders. He felt overwhelmed and crowded..