Through sickness and in health

49

Wednesday

Ever since Jason got cleared for baseball on Sunday he's been in the garden all day with Will. Today is his last day on chemo and he's feeling and looking a lot better recently. I'm downstairs in the kitchen with Jessica when the front door opens and in walks my worst nightmare.
"Then why the fuck is the whole baseball team here?" I grumble not bothering to hide my disappointment.
"You missed us" Tommy smiles as he walks through. I flip them all off as they all laugh and walk through to the garden. Then I see him.
"Out" I'm already walking towards him the the spatula in my hand and holding it in his face. Jessica laughs, probably at the fact I'm threatening him with a dirty spatula that we just used to make the cookies.
"I was invited sweetheart" he smiles moving the spatula away from his lovely white shirt.
"Must've forgotten to take your name off the list" I roll my eyes.
"Out Lockwood" I demand

"Babe" I didn't hear the door open I must've zoned it out. I turn around seeing Jason standing by the door looking relaxed as ever and a small smirk playing on his lips.
"He's fine. We're all going to the fields in a minute anyways" Jason sighs leaning against the door. He looks tired but I don't tell him that. He still look pale to me, but I don't tell him that either. I think my mind tends to notice all the little things about him even though it's normal now.
"Yeah we're seeing who the beat pitcher is" Henry chimes in, walking around me to the backyard.
"Oh how fun" I mumble going back to my spot in the kitchen next to Jessica. I feel hands wrap around my waist and instantly relax.
"What's wrong?" He whispers kissing my neck.
"Yeah I'm walking away now" Jessica grumbles walking upstairs. I don't miss the things she mumbles under her breath about being young and in love. It brings a smile to my face.
"Babe?" Jason whispers again

"Nothing" I sigh pushing him off me
"Lex" Jason crosses his arms leaning against the counter.
"I just feel like your pushing yourself" I say barely above a whisper. Jason sighs loudly, clearly irritated but it's how I feel and he knows it too.
"I've been cleared. I've waited. Its nothing more than the training I was doing before" Jason says trying to calm my nerves but it doesn't do anything for it.
"That was before you had brain surgery. And before you got diagnosed. I'm just saying, your still on chemo today. And your not finishing chemo for good any time soon...just don't push yourself"
"I'm not" Jason argues
"You heard the doctor. One hit to the head and your out. One hit too hard and your out. How many times have you gotten a concussion because of baseball?" I ask
"4 times" he mumbles quietly
"4 times. You should understand where I'm coming from here Jason. I'm happy your cleared and I'm proud of you for waiting so long but just don't push yourself" I say, he nods walking over to me and pulling me into him.

"Thank you for caring about me" he whispers kissing my cheek.
"Lots of people do" I sigh
"I know" he nods
"Go beat Lockwood's ass and put him into his place. He's a cocky bastard" I say pulling away from him before I start crying. A big grin appears on Jason face as he walks outside. It's a mischievous grin like Jason knows what's about to go down.
"You coming?" He asks cocking his head back at me.
"Of course" I smile practically skipping over to him.

He's about to beat lockwoods ass in pitching

*~*

"What's the score?" I ask Kai leaning against the fence where he's standing. I've been sitting in the car in the phone to Katie listening to her ramble on about Will and their hang out last night. All the guys went straight to it when we got to the fields but she called me and it's hard to hang up on Katie without looking like a shitty friend.
"Jason's got 11 strikes, 4 balls and 2 outs" Kai says
"And Henry?" I ask
"9 strikes, 2 ball and 2 outs" he says
"Shit it's close" I mumble
"Next person to get an out" he nods
I lean back against the fence watching them. I was worried Jason couldn't handle it but Henry seems to be struggling more than Jason. He's sweating but still throwing with power.

Tommy is batting and Henry is pitching. Tommy's the best batter on our team. Henry throws. It's a strike. Strike.
"Come on" I mumble

Hit.

Jason's up next. Tommy is friends with Jason but he can't let him get a cheap shot just because he wants him to be the pitcher. We all know even if Jason beats Henry he ain't going back to pitching for the team. Henry will still be the pitcher for the team, this is more for Jason and Henry to prove to themselves who's better.

Jason throws a strike first. Another strike, the ball going right into coopers waiting hands.

"Come on baby" I whisper to myself, my hands are clasped tightly. I watch as Jason rolls his shoulder getting ready for the last pitch. He wants to prove to himself that he's still got it. He want to prove to himself that this cancer hasn't taken everything away from him. He shakes his head getting ready, then throws.

Ball.

"Fuck" I whisper to myself seeing the disappointment clear on Jason's face.
I look over seeing Henry standing with his arms crossed and a smile on his face. Then I see Jason still standing on the dugout. His head bowed as he stands there. I start walking over to him but someone pulls me back.

"Leave him be. He needs his space right now" for once Will is right. I flip him off as I walk back to the car where the others are.

"You could do a lot better than him" Henry says running over to me.
"You never fail to make him feel like shit do you?" I roll my eyes continuing to walk.
"You don't get it do you?" Henry says stopping.
"Get what?" I scoff
"The pressure" he nearly shouts
"The pressure to be good at everything. They expect so much of you, to come in and be the new hero. It makes you feel so good. But then he's cleared again, he wants his spot back. If he beats me I look like a replacement. A fucking moron!" Henry shouts
"Jason has worked so hard to get to where he is" I argue
"And I haven't?" He scoffs
"No one ever said that" I shake my head

"My dad expects so much out of me. I try my fucking hardest but then Jason swoops back in and saved the fucking day. My dad was amazing at baseball and expects me to be amazing at it too, my mom doesn't give a shit what I do as long as I do well at it. I just want to be acknowledged for once. I just want to be better at something than other people for once" Henry sighs. I knew Henry's dad put a lot of pressure on him I just never knew this was how he felt. But then again everyone feels that way. Everyone feels pressure and everyone has a reason they want to do so well.

"But I've watched Jason. When he was in the thick of depression all he had was baseball. We hadn't been dating long and I didn't notice the spot he was in. His mom is always at work and cares more about it than her own son and his dad abandoned him and left him thinking he was nothing. Every day Jason was out in his garden or here practicing and giving it his all to improve. To prove to himself and everyone else that he is worth something. That he is capable. And that his dad is missing out. But now that he has cancer..."

"He feels like he isn't worth anything" Henry sighs catching onto what I'm saying.
"He was depressed?" Henry asks squeezing his eyes shut, he clasps his hands around the back of his head and I can tell he's trying so hard to hate Jason right now. But it's impossible.
"For a while last year. He goes to therapy but he doesn't go every week like he's supposed to. He doesn't like receiving help" I sigh cutting myself off. I look over my shoulder behind me and see Jason's still standing on the dugout staring into space.
"Look I didn't know shit about Jason before. I still don't really. I thought he was a kid that was just full of himself because he's good at his sport" Henry says
"Everyone does" I mumble looking to the cars and see everyone is still talking and hasn't noticed us yet.
"He's pretty good" Henry laughs
"And he's a good guy" he adds quietly.
"I know" I smile
"But I'm not giving my spot up for him to come back" he says
"Well aware" I nod. He hums in satisfaction before walking up to the rest of the team.