Through sickness and in health

30

I look at the pictures lying on the floor. All of them are pictures with dates on them, all of them travelling back to 6 years ago. There's pictures of Jason and his dad, then his mom and dad together. It's all his father, smiling with his family, the family he could've had now. The family he would've had. I don't say anything as I slowly close the door when I hear max's feet coming closer. I slowly walk over to him, moving the pictures out the way and sitting on the floor. I carefully pull Jason into me, my arms wrapping around his shaking body. He hesitates for a moment before tightly wrapping his arms around me and then finally. Finally.

He breaks.

Sobs wracking his body. I feel his tears on my collar bone where his head is, his whole body is shaking as he clings onto me. Tears flow down my cheeks as we both sit on the floor clinging onto one another.

When we finally break away he looks up at me. I thought he'd walk out, be embarrassed. But when he looks up at me for the first time his eyes show so many emotions. His eyes are red and puffy and all I can see is a hurt teenage boy that's finally letting himself feel for the first time in who knows how long.

"Babe you can talk to me" I whisper, I feel the hesitation in his tense body and think that he's not going to open up to me but he surprises me.
"I've had a shit day. I guess it's all so real now that I'm on chemo and the medication is kicking my ass...I have cancer" his voice is quiet as he tries to comprehend everything that's just suddenly hit. Not knowing what to do or say I decide to just offer him the comfort he's craving right now. I cling onto him tighter to let him know I'm here and I'm listening which he seems to appreciate as he buries his head in my neck.

"I could die"

His words make me go still. The thought has been in my head ever since I knew cancer was even a possibility, after he got diagnosed the voice in the back of my mind seemed to scream it louder. But hearing him say it. Hearing the person that could die. The love of my life, my light, makes everything so much more real.

"You don't have to pretend for my sake. Your going to fight this and survive it. But if your worried or scared or having a shit day, don't hide it. I'm here for a reason, my love" I whisper kissing his damp cheek.

"My dad called. He invited me over for dinner on Wednesday. He wants me to meet his kids, he said they want to meet me" Jason says breaking the silence and changing the subject.
"Are you gonna go?" I ask
"He said the oldest, Tyler was happy about it, Always wanted an older brother. Kylie was happy, she's hoping I'm better than Tyler, then Jayden is too young to understand. He said he was looking forward to watching me play baseball and maybe I could teach Tyler...so I told him to go fuck himself and hung up" Jason says, for a minute I actually thought he would've said yes.
"I think you might regret it later on" i sigh running my fingers through his hair now.
"I know. But I'll still be on chemo come Wednesday and-"
"And you don't want them meeting you when your not feeling well" I say
"I don't want them seeing me weak and pale. Not to mention I can't even keep food Down right now" Jason corrects me.
"How are you feeling now?" I ask changing the subject from his dad.
"Tired. Insomnia is still kicking my ass even with the chemo meds" he mumbles leaning his head on my shoulder.

"How about we go and lie in bed, watch some outerbanks and just relax" I smile standing up. I hold out my hands for him as he takes my hands. He wobbles on his feet for a little bit as he gains his balance back.
"I brought over food. You should eat" I say as we walk upstairs. He just shakes his head.
"Jason you should really eat something" I sigh, he just shakes his head no. When we finally reach his bedroom he crawls into his bed and lies under his sheets. He lies there staring at the wall.
"Come lie down with me" he mumbles into the pillow. I turn off the light until just his led lights are on and climb into bed. I melt into his side accepting his warmth.

"Babe" I whisper
"Promise me something?" He turns looking at me, a small smirk on his face.
"I'm being serious" I say, my face betrays me when a smile appears on my face when he pouts.
"Okay okay" he nods sitting up against the head board.
"Promise me you will fight this. That you won't give up...because I can't lose you Jason" I whisper, tears prick my eyes blurring my vision. He just sighs. It's not the best time to bring it up but it's consumed my mind for days.
"Lex-"
"I know it's selfish. I'm sorry, I know. I'm in love with you Jason. I need you" he hesitates for a moment thinking of what he's actually about to promise then nods.
"I promise to fight this. But you have to promise me something too" he sighs
"Mhm" I hum looking up at him.
"If it ever gets to the point...and I say I'm done fighting...don't fight it. I promise I'll fight, I don't want to be weak, I want to have the future with you we've planned. But who knows if the chemo is going to work, I'll do clinical trials, I'll try everything you want. But when I say I'm done, let me be finishes with it. You see what I'm saying here?" He asks. Tears flood down my cheeks as I nod my head and he kisses me passionately.
I understand what he's trying to tell me, I understand it.

"I promise" I whisper,  I hold up my pinky seeing a small appear on his face. We link pinkies and lock it kissing each others hand.
"But it won't get to that point, your strong and this is going to work" I say, I'm not sure who I'm saying this to here but I'm determined I'm right.