The Angel's Shadow || The Phantom of the Opera || Book Two

18. Spirits

Chapter Eighteen || Spirits

So, the video is the song that Mélodie plays later on in this chapter and it fit perfectly to how she describes the "ghosts of music" floating from the piano and dancing around the music room. *excited screaming*

Mélodie

"Io voglio il tuo perdono...

Vedi? Son ricca!... Questa

non ti sembra una festa

e d'ori e di colori?

Tutto è per te: pensavo...

a un avvenir di luce;

amor qui ti conduce...

T'ho tradito, è ver!"

"Tu, Tu Amore? Tu?" from Puccini's opera Manon. Lovely music, don't you agree? As I hummed "Tu, Tu Amore? Tu?" I couldn't help but wonder how Christine had sounded when she sang it at the Opéra Populaire. No doubt perfectly, for she is always perfect.

The critics had enjoyed her performance. The managers were pleased. I am sure Erik approved. Then again, when does he not approve of his song bird? She is his pupil after all. Not to mention she is also his first love.

You are his pupil, too.

Yes, but am I his first love? You have no reply to that, do you. For once, you are silent.

I beg you to forgive me for my outburst. You see, the voice there in my head and I have not been on pleasant terms lately. She thinks she is being the reasonable one when I know that I, myself, am the one who is truly reasonable. She thinks she knows everything, that voice that speaks to me day and night, the one who refuses to give me peace and rest. She is the one who constantly whispers about the shadows who lie. It is the Voice that creates those horrible dreams I have and that dull throbbing in my head.

Yes, I, too, am one of Erik's pupils. There are only two of them that I am aware of; myself and Christine. Or should I say, Christine and myself? The more respected and higher paid performer should always go first on the marquee, am I wrong? Is that not etiquette? No matter. What I am trying to say is, even though I am one of Erik's students, my voice cannot compare to his first pupil. My voice doesn't send Erik's soul soaring like Christine's voice does. It doesn't make him feel whole like Christine's does. Like Manon and Des Grieux, Christine charmed Erik and put him under her spell. Just like Manon, Christine begged for Erik, her Des Grieux, to love her again. And just like Des Grieux...Erik gave in.

I hope she is feeding him and taking care of him. Lord knows Erik is incapable of doing such things himself. His mind is more interested in music than supplementing his own body. I have often thought Erik felt annoyed by his body's need for food and water; those foolish needs hindering him from dedicating his entire time to his music...and, as he once said, to me.

Was it stupid of me to leave?

I know, I know. I am miserable without him. More so than I thought I would be. What did I expect? I love him. I always have. Naturally I am going to be a wreck, just like Dantes said. But I couldn't stay there in Paris. I believe it hurt more to stay there than to be an ocean away from him. With Christine in Paris...and their son...I couldn't look at Erik without feeling a pain in my chest or a throb in my head.

Oh, my poor head. And my poor heart. They've had to endure so much. I don't know exactly how much more all three of us - my heart, my head, and me - can endure. I have tried to be strong for so long. I had willed myself to be strong even before I met Erik. Day by day, I feel the vampire of despair slowly suck and drain me of my strength. How much longer until I am sucked dry?