pt. I: 16 - Delivery Service

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 San arrives to an empty room

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San arrives to an empty room. Well, that much was predictable, since Wooyoung doesn't own a copy of his key card, but there's also no one waiting for San outside his door. No Wooyoung. San is quick to shut any quelling disappointment in himself down. Maybe Wooyoung didn't come yet because he got held up by something. Or he came, but decided not to wait in front of a closed door. San couldn't blame him.

He lets his room door snap shut behind him and tries to catch his breath quickly. Coming running here, especially since there's no Wooyoung waiting for him, feels stupid now. It's quarter past eight. Surely Wooyoung wouldn't be so exact on details that he showed up at five to eight and left when no one answered his knocking?

Maybe he would—maybe he is like that. San can almost see it before his inner eye.

Or maybe Wooyoung didn't come to his room this evening at all. Maybe he's late, just like San, or he's... not interested? Standing in the middle of his room, San hesitates and looks around. He managed to forget about it yesterday, with first Mingi and then Wooyoung over, but his room truly looks... bleak. It's not inviting in the slightest. Someone like Wooyoung, someone from a rich family, must dislike almost everything about it. San can see it now: the too small space, the welling tapestry around the window, the used furniture with its rough edges and scratched surfaces. Why would Wooyoung come to a place like this just to see San? Now, it seems like a stupid idea that he suggested for Wooyoung to come by again. As if Wooyoung would take him up on that offer.

Or maybe he would. San forces himself to think about other situations and dwell on other moments, too. The first few times, Wooyoung was always the one to initiate meeting up- No, wrong, San himself suggested going to the beach. Where they first kissed. Wooyoung initiated the kiss. San tries to give the words in his head meaning. We spent time together, so it wasn't because of my looks only.

Or was it? San is not sure he was very pleasant company on that day. He was so caught up in his thoughts and emotions they barely had a conversation for longer than a minute.

Anyway, Wooyoung asked San out for coffee the other day. They still didn't know each other too well, but there must have been something more than physical appearance that kept Wooyoung coming back to spend time with San. Right? And sure, then it was San who took Wooyoung up the hill for the view, and he also kissed Wooyoung, but it was Wooyoung who showed up at his room the day after unannounced—because how could he have announced anything without telling San in person if they don't have each other's phone number?

San pauses in the pacing he's unconsciously started on the small walkway between his bed and wardrobe. What exactly did Wooyoung come to his room for yesterday? They've gotten distracted from the topic as Wooyoung's gotten jealous of Mingi, and then they've kissed and made out a bit and— was that it? Was that what Wooyoung had in mind when he knocked at San's door yesterday evening?

San starts pacing again, trying to make sense of the odd mixture of excitement and disappointment he feels: of course he would be excited about an attractive, likeable guy visiting his room to make out. There's not much more to figure out there. But... disappointed? What does he even want from Wooyoung? What does he want Wooyoung to want from him-

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