Spurned Queen

Chapter 28: The Mistake

Lexi

"You're going to do what?!"

"I don't see why not. She'll behave."

"Lexi," groaned Rowan. "Why would you do such a rash thing? That girl is a dangerous, unpredictable creature. The damage she can inflict is horrible. You know that! Why do I even have to convince you to leave her behind?"

"Because I'm determined to take her."

"Why, by the gods?!"

"I told you. I promised her I wouldn't leave her here."

"And why the hell would you do that?!!"

"Stop yelling, Rowan," I snapped. "And stop arguing. I'm bringing Kaiden with me. That's it. You weren't there when I made that decision and I don't need you to validate it."

He glared at me in the dim light of the car as we were driven to the shore. I glared back, daring him to speak against me again. Soon, his glare broke and his eyes dropped. He chose to look out he window at the passing scenery, his face pinched with a pained expression. We sat in silence for several more minutes until I began to relax. I peered out the window too, organizing my thoughts.

We were on a ride to the shore, where we would dive into the ocean and find the veil that led back to Earth. I had been thorough choosing who was coming with me, checking backgrounds and medical histories. I had only picked those who had a vitality high enough to cross the veil without a problem. I had combed out the males with pregnant wives, the females with young children, and everyone who had never seen someone die before. They must be able to blend at least partially with humans and know how to block memories of themselves in humans. That left me with only about seventy beings. Kaiden was coming with me, simply because she was Kaiden— I wasn't taking her to fight.

Which reminded me, we had to figure something out for the children. The thought of Logan or Cara getting hurt made me sick. Perhaps we could organize for some of the most secure packs to host all the children while the elders went off to the battlefield.

That was another thing. Of course we had to take our battles to sparsely populated areas. I imagined the deserts would have to do— though even those were fast being settled by humans. I chewed my lip. Naval battles? The sirens would tip the scales heavily if they decided to join.

Ha. I could just see Aevran's scowl as his clothes dripped with briny seawater. Tyler wouldn't be thrilled either.

"Lexi, has anyone ever told you that you are very perceptive?" Rowan asked out of the blue.

Well yes, I pride myself on it, really, said Lattis haughtily, but I answered naturally, "Yeah, sure."

"I wonder how you've never noticed anything about my feelings for you."

My jaw dropped. My brain stopped. "F-feelings? Feelings?!"

He stared at me, saying nothing. I desperately waited for him to say no, that he was only joking. But his silver eyes stayed fixed on me, and he said nothing to refute it. I opened and closed my mouth in utter shock. I must have looked like a fish.

Of course. Of course. How had I never seen it before? Now that I thought about it, it was so obvious how he felt. The lingering gazes; the way he was slightly reluctant to let go of my hand; the way he brightened when I walked into a room; the way he always carefully studied my interactions with other males... holy crap, I thought he was just being overprotective! It was like my mind had stubbornly refused to notice his attraction to me. When he had drifted off while staring at me, I never found it creepy or odd; my mind made the excuse that he was merely "spacing out." Rowan was my warlock friend; someone whose presence automatically sent me into witch mode. I had never even imagined telling him about my wolf side, so the idea of him falling in love with me was more than a little unfathomable. He didn't know me; how then could he love me?

Besides, we have a mate. One we, unfortunately, have been attempting to ignore, who shows up in our mind uninvited.

I tried to ignore the image in my memory of Aevran's face when he asked to kiss me.

"No, Rowan," I gasped. "Please tell me it's not true! You can't— I mean, I can't— I mean, that can't be!"

"Why not?" he challenged hotly. "I've known you for ages and loved you for just that long. You never noticed. In fact, you never noticed anyone's attention. You look envious when people have a relationship but you don't care when someone has eyes for only you. You never flirt with anyone— and that's good, don't get me wrong— but it's not good that you close yourself off relationship-wise. I want to be the one who you open up to. I want you to—"

"Stop, Rowan." I held my face in my hands. This had gone so horribly wrong.

"Lexi, there is no reason we should not be together. We've know each other for several decades and we like each other well enough. I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind. I love you, Lexi— nothing will ever happen to stop that. And if you would only give me a chance... I know I could get you to love me back. In time."

"Rowan, please—"

He took both my hands in his. "Please, Lexi. I'm not asking for much. Just consider it. I would hate to go home, and get lost in the chaos of war, without confessing my love for you. Please give it a try. I know you could love me if you tried."

Get his hands off me! Lattis snapped unsympathetically. I blocked her out.

"Look, Rowan," I whispered, "This is a big mistake. I'm sorry, but I can't. I know I can't. You and I are not meant to be together. Not in that way. I'm certain. And I'm sorry I never saw this in you this long time — I could have done something about it. Please— I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to forget this as fast as you can."

"No!" he said, loudly enough for me to jump in my seat. He gripped my hands tightly in his. "No, Lexi, you're not listening to me. You and I would work out fine, if you allowed it. I don't expect you to love me now; I want a chance to prove that I am worth your love. I want you to be aware of the place you hold in my heart. There is no reason why not. I promise, I would do anything for you if you asked. I—"

"Rowan, stop it!" I cut him off. Staring at our clasped hands, I whispered, "I can't... because there's someone else."

Shock bloomed on his features. His eyes twitched with dismay.

"There's someone else," I said again. "And it's been him since the very beginning. You never had a chance with me. So please don't be angry with me when I say no to this one thing. I'm sorry I never noticed. I would have stopped it immediately."

Rowan blinked at me, his face carefully blank. He reeked of disappointment and resentment. He pulled his hands back into his lap and leaned back with a sigh. He turned his face away from me so that I wouldn't see his expression.

"I'm sorry," I added again. He didn't answer. I wrung my hands nervously, watching as the beach came into view. We would be out of Ma'lak's carriage soon, and I could bet that Rowan would keep away from me. Not that I could blame him. But I had to get something off my chest.

"Rowan," I murmured gently.

He said nothing. He didn't even look at me. I sighed. I looked out at the long, rocky beach. The other carriages were already lining up. "We're friends," I murmured. "I'd hate to lose that simply because of some silly... whatever this is."

Rowan's jaw clenched. The emotions in the carriage suddenly changed from disappointment, grief, and hopelessness to burning, consuming fury. He turned slowly to face me, silver eyes flashing with anger.

"Silly?" he growled. "Is that what I am to you? A clown?"

Oh no. "What? Of course not. I shouldn't have said that—"

"You shouldn't have said a lot of things, Lexi," he ground out. The glint in his eyes was murderous as he continued bitterly, "Just like you shouldn't have ignored my affection, and like you shouldn't have chosen him over me."

Rowan stood abruptly and climbed out of the carriage, leaving me on my seat, stunned. He walked away without once looking back. He slipped into the crowd of disembarking warriors and was lost.

Totally lost.