THIRTY-SEVEN

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Cause when I'm cruising out at night,It's like I'm someone else,It's been awhile since I been back,But I can hear the bells

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Cause when I'm cruising out at night,
It's like I'm someone else,
It's been awhile since I been back,
But I can hear the bells.
Josh Makazo - Mania

WOO-JIN

Everything went quiet in my head.
So damn quiet that I could feel the monster inside me smiling as if he knew today is the day he's gonna be let out.

She was shaking on our bed, holding herself, eyes on her lap. I don't say a word as I walk into our private bathroom and turn on the warm water in the claw-foot tub. Make sure the temperature is nice and warm just how she likes it.
I come back out to find her walking to the closet with her arms crossed over her chest to hide her breasts and she stares at herself in the full-length mirror. Blood splatters dried on her cheek and a pool of blood on her shorts. She stared at herself so lifelessly for a second that it even made me concerned but it was just for a second that she snapped out when she found me standing right behind her.

I can't stop touching her. I can't stop wanting her for my selfish gain.

I brush my fingers in the length of her hair and then trail them down her spine, to the waistband of her shorts. My eyes flicker to the mirror, her eyes never leave mine. They don't leave when I lean and pin a kiss to her shoulder, working my fingers to push down her shorts. The fabric pools at her feet and I can't stop my eyes from enjoying her.

I'm such a selfish bastard.

An arm around her stomach, and I haul her and take her with me to the bathroom. She does not protest except for letting out a gasp at the sudden movement. My too quiet head unnerved me and I needed her voice to fill that void. My quiet head was a dangerous place, it enjoyed violence more than anything.
It's not like I've never held a gun in these ten years, but today was the day when I pulled the trigger for the first time. I didn't pull it once but three times. I can't forget Minho's grin when I shot the last man. He was so satisfied and I could see in his eyes that he missed the old me. I even saw recognition in Minji's eyes too. But the only thing that touched me from the inside was the horror in my wife's eyes when I pulled the trigger the first time. I hated it.

With a gentle caress, I sat her down in the warm water. She sighed and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and propping her chin on her knee. I kneel on the floor and the first thing I do is wipe the blood off her face. Then I wet her hair and grab the travel-size eucalyptus shampoo of mine that she's been secretly using for months.
I lather it up between my hands and slowly massage it into her scalp. Her eyes are on me the whole time. They follow me whenever I move. Her lips part and she presses them together. Then it parts again and she presses them again as if trying to say something.

With the shower head, I gently wash the shampoo from her hair and run my fingers on her wet scalp. And I know the shampoo is all gone, I cup her cheek, sliding my hand to the back of her neck, and angle her face up to pin a kiss on the corner of her lips. "Yes, sweetheart?" Urging her to say what she wants to say.

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