delicate

19

"You're leaving, right? Going back to school. That's what this is about," Elena pondered.

I looked down at my hands. "Is it that obvious?" I looked up at her.

She smiled. "Well you don't usually call at seven in the morning and ask to meet. Who have you talked to already? Besides Damon, Bonnie, Tyler, and Matt."

"If you're asking if I'm going to talk to Stefan and Caroline, I'm still thinking about it."

"Come on, Ev. She's your sister. And Stefan is your - was your best friend. They both care about you, and they love you. They'll want a goodbye. Even if they don't know it's a goodbye. You should make up with them."

I stared at her, trying to decide what to do. "You didn't hear the things he said."

She nodded. "He told me, actually. He didn't want to tell Caroline because you're her sister, and she would probably get mad at him." She tilted her head. "He's really sorry, Evelyn. It may not seem like it, but he didn't mean those things."

"I know," I looked at the table. "I just..." I gathered the words before looking at her again. "I don't know how to feel about them. It feels wrong to feel betrayed by them, but I can't think of anything else. Seeing them together like that last night, or together in general, it makes me nauseous. I don't know what to do."

"Well, maybe if you let them explain it may help."

I shook my head once, "I don't know."

"Try, Ev. You never know." She looked to the side, then looked at me. "I'm gonna go get a drink from the bar. Do you want anything?"

"No, thanks." She started to walk away. "Hey, Elena." She turned to me. "Don't tell anyone. About the goodbyes."

She smiled, "What goodbyes?"

I breathed out a laugh. She walked away. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to answer the text.

Kai:

You're leaving.

I started to text back when a voice pulled me from my phone.

"Hey."

I looked up to see Stefan and Caroline. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Can we sit?" Caroline glanced at the seat opposite of me before looking directly at me again. There was hurt in her expression.

"Yeah," I answered hesitantly.

They sat down in front of me. I looked down at my phone to avoid looking at them. I turned my phone off and gripped it tightly.

"Did you get home okay last night?"

"Mhm," I answered Caroline.

"And Ryan?"

I looked at the table, "He's fine."

They didn't speak. I didn't speak. I waited for a word to fall from their mouths. I stared at the table. "I could be bleeding out in my room right now. And neither of you would be the person to find me." I sat my phone on the table.

"Have you been..."

I looked at them. "You wouldn't have noticed if I did. I found ways to hide it. But no, I haven't. I almost did. I wanted to. Then I realized I couldn't, and I dropped the suicidal thing." I laughed softly, "I never thought I'd say that. But I did. And the only person who I've told..." I shook my head once. "My point is that you two are together, and there's nothing I can do except have an attitude about that. And I can choose that attitude. So far I've felt nothing except jealousy, anger, and sadness. I haven't tried to be happy for you, and I can't tell you I'm going to. I'm not trying to either. I don't want to." I took a breath. "I feel like something's been taken from me. I'm not saying I was entitled to whatever it was, but I do feel like I deserved it. Whatever it was." I glanced at my hands before looking at them again. "I don't hate either of you. I actually love you more than anything, probably. And I... I don't want to lose either of you just because I'm bitter. So, I'm accepting your relationship, and acknowledging that I need to get over it." I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. "I will be okay."