Johnny Gets His Wings

Chapter 10

The colonel asked me to stay for supper. And while Darlene was away grilling the steaks and baking the potatoes out on the back patio, he gave me advice about women.

"I notice that you keep staring at my wife."

I cleared my throat. "I'm trying my best to be polite, but she's an extremely attractive lady. For her age."

Officer Ken said, "For her age? She's only thirty-six years old."

I nodded and smiled. "My mom is thirty-eight. She had me back when she was twenty-two."

The colonel said, "And your point?"

"To you guys, Darlene might seem young. But I'm only sixteen, so she's old enough to be my mother."

In unison, they began to howl with laughter. Then they each lit a cigarette, but they choked on the smoke due to their mirth.

The colonel said, "The kid has a point. To a couple of geezers in their 50s, Darlene appears like a goddess of delight. However, to a young punk like him, she's nothing but a used-up old lady."

I shook my head vehemently from side to side. "I didn't say she was used up. I simply said that she's old enough to be my mother."

Officer Ken said, "Relax, kid. We get it."

Then it was Bradley's turn to speak. "I met her ten years ago at a strip club. After that, I started paying her for sex. A hundred bucks for each roll in the hay. I wasn't her only client. She had lots of other men in her stable." He paused in reflection. "Needless to say, it began getting pretty damn expensive. I was spending around fifteen-hundred bucks a month on sex. Shit, man. That comes to nearly twenty grand a year. So I finally asked her to marry me. I can't tell you how happy I was when she accepted my proposal. I was filled with joy."

There was a long uncomfortable silence.

Finally, the colonel said, "What? Are you shocked that my wife's a whore?"

Officer Ken quickly corrected him. "A former whore."

Bradley took a pull from his cigarette and blew some smoke toward the ceiling. "Once a whore, always a whore. She still screws other men for pocket change. I'm simply surprised that she never gave me the clap."

Ken said, "Be careful, Colonel. That's your wife you're talking about. She's the one grilling your steaks and giving you blowjobs."

"I know who she is. I certainly don't need a lecture from you." Then he focused his attention back on me. "Kid, be very cautious when it comes to pussy. Once false move could ruin your life forever."

Darlene came back into the house and served us like kings. We were each given a large steak and a huge baked potato wrapped in tinfoil. She had even prepared a pitcher of Martinis for the adults in the room. Everything smelled fabulous.

The colonel stood up and gave a weird toast before the meal began. "I would like to tell God and everybody who's listening that I forgive this child for punching me in the face. And I also forgive the Muslim motherfuckers back in Iraq for blowing my leg clean off and turning me into a cripple. But I don't want to leave Darlene out of this little celebration. I forgive her, too, for having lots of sex with all the men in town even though I bought her a ring ten years ago." Then he looked sadly at Officer Ken. "And lastly, I forgive you, my good friend, for porking my wife every chance you get. I'm not as dumb as you think I am."

With that said, he drained his glass and walked away from the table.

I turned to Darlene. "Where's he going?"

"Probably to his room," she told me. "But don't worry. He gets a little down from time to time. He'll be fine after a few minutes."

"Are you sure?"

Ken said, "Sure, she's sure. Darlene's his wife, ain't she? So who knows the colonel better than her?"

She said, "Don't worry, Johnny. Just go ahead and eat your steak. A growing boy needs his protein."

I was cutting into the meat when the sound of a single gunshot resonated throughout the entire house. I could feel it in my bones. The colonel had just blown his own head off.